7 Common Reasons Why People Bully

Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents7 Common Reasons Why People BullyHow to Deal With Bullies

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Table of Contents

7 Common Reasons Why People Bully

How to Deal With Bullies

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Bullying is the repeated infliction of harm or distress on another person with the intent to control,intimidate, or otherwise damage another. It comes in all forms—includingverbal torment, social attacks, physical aggression, and taunting—and can happen both in person or through social media or the internet at large. Whether bullying is brief or ongoing, it can have hurtful and long-lasting consequences that manifest in psychological or physical damage.

Sadly, bullying is quite common. While pervasive in elementary through high school, it can also occur in other settings, including with siblings in childhood and farinto adulthoodamong work colleagues, work supervisors, friend groups, and other social communities.

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, approximately 20% of students report being bullied, citing issues like being name-called, being the subject of rumors, physical bullying, and being left out of social activities.

The Workplace Bullying Institute found that 30% of workers have directly dealt with bullying at the office, and 43.2% dealt with bullying while working remotely.

What Are the Different Types of Bullying?

Given how damaging bullying is to others, it’s understandable to wonder why people bully in the first place. This article explores common reasons why people bully.

They Have Emotional Trauma

You might be familiar with the phrase, “hurt people hurt people.” While personal trauma doesn’t give anyone an excuse to hurt others, sometimes it can provide us with insight into how the other person works.

“So often, people that intentionally seek to intimidate others are hurting due to their own difficult life experiences, and they lack the coping skills to manage their pain in a healthy way, so they externalize their hurt onto others,” explainsMichelle Felder, LCSW, therapist, and founder ofParenting Pathfinders.

They’re Insecure

Any community can have unspoken tiers of “social status,” which can prompt people with bullying tendencies to taunt others for social gain. They ultimatelyfeel insecureand bully others as a means to fit in or make themselves feel superior.

“Cliques and the desire for social status are often breeding grounds for bullying,” saysLimor Weinstein, MA, LMHC. The same is true in workplaces. Jealousy and a desire to get to the ‘top’ can lead to belittling others around you, which can happen especially in competitive work environments.”

Being mean to others also gets others to treat you better since they don’t want to become the target of bullying. Bullies may note this (perhaps even subconsciously) and use it to their advantage.

They’ve Been Bullied

Sometimes, people bully because they themselves have been thevictim of bullying. In a way, they may feel that bullying others can protect them from the familiar experience of being bullied.

Michelle Felder, LCSW

It Is Learned Behavior

Other times, bullying islearned behavior. For instance, if a child witnesses an adult bullying others—or isthe subject of abusefrom their own parent or adult—then they may repeat that behavior. Among adults, bullying can become a toxic part of the culture at work or in other social communities and is ultimately accepted as the norm.

They Have Poor Social Skills

It’s also possible that someone who chooses to bully has limitedsocial skills, difficultyresolving conflict, or difficulty getting along with others in general.

Essentially, they lack appropriatecoping skillsto manage and respond to uncomfortable social situations in a healthy way.

For example, Felder says they may be resentful or jealous of the person they’re targeting or feel likethey aren’t getting the attentionthey want from them.

They Feel Anonymous

Online bullying has been on the rise for years because that is where so many of us spend our time. The digital sphere has the additional allure of seeming more anonymous.

Weinstein says, “Online bulliesare often somewhat detached from their cyber activity, hiding behind a screen and unleashing their inner bully.” This can empower them to be crueler than they’d ever be in person.

They Lack Empathy

Some bullies simplylack care, so they have no problem dominating, blaming, intimidating, or taking advantage of others. In that sense, they lack the ability to relate to another person’s experience and understand how their terrible behavior negatively impacts people.

No matter what type of bullying you or a loved one experiences, it’s painful. Here are some ways you can help deal with bullies now and move forward:

How to Deal With Bullying

Final Thoughts

Bullying is, unfortunately, a common part of the human social sphere, but it doesn’t mean it’s OK or that it should be ignored. By better understanding why someone might be bullying you or a loved one, you can address the issue head-on and help stop the bullying. And remember, another person’s choice to bully is about them and their internal trauma—not you.

People are more likely to experience depression if they have been bullied, particularly if the abuse occurs over a long period of time. If you have been bullied and are experiencing symptoms of depression, talking to a mental health professional can help.

Should Your Child Be In Therapy?

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Center for Education Statistics.Student reports of bullying: Results from the 2017 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey. U.S. Department of Education; 2019.Workplace Bullying Institute.2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.Davis S, Nixon C.Youth Voice Project: Student insights into bullying and peer mistreatment. Research Press Publisher; 2014.Rettew DC, Pawlowski S.Bullying: An update.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2022;31(1):1-9. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2021.09.001Weineck F, Messner M, Hauke G, Pollatos O.Improving interoceptive ability through the practice of power posing: A pilot study.PLoS One. 2019;14(2):e0211453. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0211453

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Center for Education Statistics.Student reports of bullying: Results from the 2017 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey. U.S. Department of Education; 2019.Workplace Bullying Institute.2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.Davis S, Nixon C.Youth Voice Project: Student insights into bullying and peer mistreatment. Research Press Publisher; 2014.Rettew DC, Pawlowski S.Bullying: An update.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2022;31(1):1-9. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2021.09.001Weineck F, Messner M, Hauke G, Pollatos O.Improving interoceptive ability through the practice of power posing: A pilot study.PLoS One. 2019;14(2):e0211453. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0211453

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

National Center for Education Statistics.Student reports of bullying: Results from the 2017 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey. U.S. Department of Education; 2019.Workplace Bullying Institute.2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.Davis S, Nixon C.Youth Voice Project: Student insights into bullying and peer mistreatment. Research Press Publisher; 2014.Rettew DC, Pawlowski S.Bullying: An update.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2022;31(1):1-9. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2021.09.001Weineck F, Messner M, Hauke G, Pollatos O.Improving interoceptive ability through the practice of power posing: A pilot study.PLoS One. 2019;14(2):e0211453. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0211453

National Center for Education Statistics.Student reports of bullying: Results from the 2017 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey. U.S. Department of Education; 2019.

Workplace Bullying Institute.2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.

Davis S, Nixon C.Youth Voice Project: Student insights into bullying and peer mistreatment. Research Press Publisher; 2014.

Rettew DC, Pawlowski S.Bullying: An update.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2022;31(1):1-9. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2021.09.001

Weineck F, Messner M, Hauke G, Pollatos O.Improving interoceptive ability through the practice of power posing: A pilot study.PLoS One. 2019;14(2):e0211453. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0211453

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