Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsReasons to AskQuestions About Your HistoryQuestions About GoalsQuestions About Likes and DislikesQuestions About Feelings and FearsQuestions for CouplesTips That Can Help
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Reasons to Ask
Questions About Your History
Questions About Goals
Questions About Likes and Dislikes
Questions About Feelings and Fears
Questions for Couples
Tips That Can Help
Close
“How well do you know me?” is a game you’ve probably played before with your friends, family members, or significant others. It’s a simple activity that can be a great way to remind people how important they are to one another and even help them get to know one another better.
It often goes like this: One person asks a question of the other person or the group. These questions are centered around a specific aspects of a person’s life, interests, or history. The depth of these questions often varies depending on the nature of the relationship, how long you’ve known each other, and how well you know each other.
According to Domenique Harrison MPH, LMFT, LPCC, known asThe Racial Equity Therapist, such questions often come from a genuine desire for security, closeness, and connection. “While having curiosity about the lives of those close to you can come from a reflective and introspective place, some individuals may have an ulterior motive to test or stump their loved ones,” she also notes.
At a GlanceFor recent acquaintances, “How well do you know me” questions might be fairly simple. Examples include things such as: What’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite movie? and What’s my middle name? Such questions tend to be a bit too surface-level for people who have known each other for a very long time or who are very close.In such cases, you’ll want to dig a little deeper to pose some more challenging “How well do you know me” questions that reveal a bit more about the depth of your relationship–and help foster an even closer connection. Let’s take a closer look at the reasons why you might want to ask such questions–plus how to ask them the right way to get a meaningful response that helps improve your relationship.
At a Glance
For recent acquaintances, “How well do you know me” questions might be fairly simple. Examples include things such as: What’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite movie? and What’s my middle name? Such questions tend to be a bit too surface-level for people who have known each other for a very long time or who are very close.In such cases, you’ll want to dig a little deeper to pose some more challenging “How well do you know me” questions that reveal a bit more about the depth of your relationship–and help foster an even closer connection. Let’s take a closer look at the reasons why you might want to ask such questions–plus how to ask them the right way to get a meaningful response that helps improve your relationship.
For recent acquaintances, “How well do you know me” questions might be fairly simple. Examples include things such as: What’s my favorite color? What’s my favorite movie? and What’s my middle name? Such questions tend to be a bit too surface-level for people who have known each other for a very long time or who are very close.
In such cases, you’ll want to dig a little deeper to pose some more challenging “How well do you know me” questions that reveal a bit more about the depth of your relationship–and help foster an even closer connection. Let’s take a closer look at the reasons why you might want to ask such questions–plus how to ask them the right way to get a meaningful response that helps improve your relationship.
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Reasons to Ask “How Well Do You Know Me” Questions
The goal of “How well do you know me” questions is to help deepen the connection between people. By prompting the other person to answer such questions, people are encouraged to think about what they know about the person (as well as some of the things they don’t know but might want to).
“These questions can come from two places, one healthy and one less so. Sometimes, these are playful quizzes, sort of like the old game show ‘The Newlywed Game.’ In fact, I have seen a version played on ‘Married at First Sight.’ In those cases, it’s a game, more about memory than about commitment, and it’s fun. Healthy!” says integrative therapistRenée Zavislak, MS, MA, LMFT.
In other cases, such questions may have a less well-intentioned side.
Other times, one asks their partner questions like this to prove that the other doesn’t listen or doesn’t care. This is a less than healthy approach that can draw faulty, relationship-threatening conclusions from insufficient data.—RENÉE ZAVISLAK, MS, MA, LMFT
Other times, one asks their partner questions like this to prove that the other doesn’t listen or doesn’t care. This is a less than healthy approach that can draw faulty, relationship-threatening conclusions from insufficient data.
—RENÉE ZAVISLAK, MS, MA, LMFT
Some other reasons you might opt to pose such questions include:
Authentic, Honest Communication
“How well do you know me” questions encourage people to be honest and open with one another. This can help improve communication and help people to discuss experiences, memories, thoughts, and feelings that might not otherwise come up in their day-to-day conversations.
“Such questions would be a fun and interactive way to check common knowledge and shared experience, which helps to develop connections among people,” says Niloufar Esmaeilpour, MSc, RCC-ACS, a registered clinical counselor atLotus Therapy & Counselling Centre.
Forging Trust
Mutual self-disclosure plays an important role in any relationship, whether it’s with your friends or your romantic partners. As you get to know one another better, there is a natural back-and-forth where each person reveals increasingly personal information about themselves.
As you share more information, you also start to establish a sense of trust and intimacy. You know each other better, so you also feel more comfortable sharing parts of yourself you might otherwise keep hidden.
Identifying Opportunities for Improvement and Growth
“How well do you know me” questions are also a great way to spot areas in your relationship that could use a little work. As you ask and answer these questions, you might find yourself thinking, “I can’t believe they didn’t know that about me!” or “How did I not know that about them?”
The more questions you ask, the more you can see patterns and tendencies. For example, you might notice that while the other person knows much about your current experiences, they don’t know much about your past. Or you might realize you’ve been holding back on sharing your thoughts and opinions. In either case, it’s a great opportunity to see how you can improve.
It’s normal for people not to know all the answers to these questions–after all, no one can knoweverythingabout another person.
Sometimes, these questions are less about seeing what the other person knows and more about giving you the opportunity to give an open and honest answer. They can provide a springboard forself-disclosure, which can help forge a closer, stronger, and more intimate connection between people.
Avoid Potentially Triggering TopicsOne important thing to remember is that you should avoid potentially triggering questions that might evoketraumatic memories. Stick to topics that aren’t likely to make people uncomfortable–and be ready to stop if someone brings up aboundaryor becomes upset.
Avoid Potentially Triggering Topics
One important thing to remember is that you should avoid potentially triggering questions that might evoketraumatic memories. Stick to topics that aren’t likely to make people uncomfortable–and be ready to stop if someone brings up aboundaryor becomes upset.
“How Well Do You Know Me” Questions About Personal History
Questions that focus on your personal history are often best suited for people who have known you for a little while. Even if you didn’t know each other as kids, they’ve gotten to know you well enough and heard enough of your stories, so they have a pretty good chance of answering these questions with some accuracy.
When a question does stump them, it’s a great opportunity to share information that will help them get to know you a lot better.
“How Well Do You Know Me” Questions About Goals and Dreams
These questions are a great way todig a little deeperand see how much the other person knows about your hopes and dreams. Such questions allow people to think deeply about your goals and learn a bit more about the sorts of things that motivate you. This can also be a great opportunity for you to findsupportand encouragement, which can further strengthen your bond.
“How Well Do You Know Me” Questions About Likes and Dislikes
Likes and dislikes are often the classic type of question people focus on when they ask “How well do you know me?” Instead of focusing on the basics like your favorite color, movie, or food, let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?
The following questions mine some of the same themes, but are designed to see how much the other person knows about thereasonsbehind your top faves and pet peeves.
“How Well Do You Know Me” Questions About Feelings and Fears
One of the hallmarks of ahealthy relationshipis the ability to be vulnerable and talk about what’s most important to you and what you fear most. The following questions focus on some of your innermost emotions, including your views of yourself and how you feel about the future.
Such questions may require being more vulnerable, open, and honest, which isn’t always easy). However, they can also foster greater understanding, closeness, andempathy.
“How Well Do You Know Me” Questions for Couples
Talking to your partner about what matters most to you in a relationship and how you see your future together can help bring you closer together. Having your partner ask such questions allows you to connect with them on a deeper level.
Tips for Asking “How Well Do You Know Me” Questions
The great thing about “How well do you know me” questions is that they can be a comfortable way to initiate what can become a deep and meaningful conversation with another person. Research suggests that while they want to have these kinds of conversations, they often feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to initiate such discussions.
So what can you do to make sure that asking these questions feels safe and comfortable for everyone involved?
First, make sure that you pick the right time for a conversation. Some ideas include spending leisure time together or going on a date. It can also be a great way to pass the time during a car trip. The key is to choose a time and setting where you can focus on the conversation without a lot of distractions and where neither person feels stressed or pressured.
If someone else is asking you these questions, really pay attention to what you know about them, saysReena B. Patel, MA, LEP, BCBA, a psychologist and Licensed Educational Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. “The more you recall and show your partner or friend or coworker you remember their interests, the better it shows them how invested you are in the connection and relationship,” she suggests.
Consider Your Own Reasons for Asking
For example, if you are asking them because some aspect of your current relationship is triggering unresolved feelings from your past, you may be better off telling them what you want them to know rather than posing it as a quiz. Doing so allows you to expressvulnerabilityand build greaterintimacywith your partner without evokingdefensiveness.
—RENÉE ZAVISLAK, M.S., M.A., LMFT
Takeaways
While it can be helpful and important to know the answers to some of these questions, knowing the exact answers is not an accurate indication of how well you know or how much you love your partner, and vice versa.
Many of these questions are fluid and the answers can change depending on a variety of factors. The answers can evolve as you evolve as individuals and in your relationship. The intention of “how well do you know me” questions can be to open up a dialogue, connect in a meaningful and intentional way, and asked from a place of playfulness and curiosity instead of judgment, criticism, or shame.
Instead of quizzing a partner or guessing if you don’t know the answers, the questions can also be asked directly to deepen connection and intimacy.
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