Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow to Become a Nicer PersonDefining NiceThe Benefits of Being NiceThings to Consider
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
How to Become a Nicer Person
Defining Nice
The Benefits of Being Nice
Things to Consider
Close
Being nice to others is an important way to spread kindness and positivity. In addition to benefitting others, research suggests that this type of prosocial behavior can also boost your own mental well-being.
Becoming a nicer person isn’t as hard as you might think. There are things that you can do to showcompassion, empathy, and kindness in your everyday interactions with others.
Act With Kindness
Being a nice person means acting with kindness, and research suggests that kindness can positively impact your brain. Individual acts of kindness trigger the release ofoxytocinandendorphinsand appear to foster the creation of new neural connections.
Being kind is a self-reinforcing habit. We crave the feel-good sensation of being kind, so one act of kindness can easily lead to another.
Avoid Being Overly Critical
For instance, if a co-worker makes a mistake, pause before you criticize their work. Maybe you view their mistake as an opportunity to help them rather than becoming annoyed at them for not being perfect.
Be Honest
Stay true to yourself and your values. You can still express yourself nicely while being honest.
Being nice doesn’t mean that you never say “no” to people or that you do things that you don’t want to do.
Setting strong and fairboundariesmeans you’re taking care of your mental and emotional health.Being nice to others can come more naturally when you feel safe andrespected.
Is It Ever Okay to Lie?
Be Nice to Yourself
The way that we treat ourselves, including ourself-talk, plays an important role in how we treat others.After all, how can we treat others nicely if we don’t treat ourselves nicely?
Notice how you talk to yourself and how you react when something goes wrong—do you blame or punish yourself? Do you call yourself names? By practicing patience and niceness toward ourselves, we make it easier to be nice to others.
Be Open-Minded
Life is full of change. When we’re confronted with ideas, situations, or people that are unfamiliar to us, negative emotions can arise that make it difficult to be nice.
Open-mindednessis an essential quality for learning and absorbing information without judgment.Keeping an open mind can help you navigate unfamiliar territory while staying calm and relaxed.
It’s much easier to be nice when you’re comfortable with yourself and your environment—even amidst the many changes life throws your way.
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Be Polite
Politeness is only one aspect of being nice, but it is an important way to set a positive tone in social interactions. Remember that other people’s behavior does not need to bring yours down.
If others are being abrupt or rude, responding with politeness can be a way to change the direction of the interaction.
In everyday conversations, simple words like “please” and “thank you” can go a long way in showing someone you appreciate them.
Look for Ways to Be Helpful
Make an effort to find small ways to be helpful in your daily interactions with other people. From smiling at others in the grocery store to helping a co-worker with a project, being helpful can be a great way to practice being nice throughout your day.
Practice Forgiveness
Letting go of past resentments and forgiving others can help you move forward with a more positive attitude. It’s easier to be nice when you feel good about others.
Forgiving yourselfis also important, so work on letting go of negative experiences from the past that hold you back from cultivating a more positive mindset.
Practice Gratitude
Spend a few minutes each day thinking about something for which you are grateful. You might find it helpful to keep agratitude journal.
Research suggests that gratitude can have many health benefits, includingreducing stressand increasinghappiness.Focusing on positive thoughts can help you develop a more positive attitude and can make it easier to cope with life’s daily hassles and difficulties.
Respect Others
Empathy and respect are also important components of niceness. During your day, try to see things from the perspective of the other people in your life and think about things that you can do to respect their needs.
Even if you disagree with what someone else is doing, try to treat them with niceness and respect.
Respect people’s time as well. If you are meeting a friend, for instance, try to show up on time and stay present during your conversations. Avoid staring at your phone too much. Practiceactive listening.
What does it mean to be nice? How do you know if you are a nice person? Some characteristics that are often included in definitions of niceness include:
The exact definition of “nice” can vary from one person to the next. The field of personality psychology suggests that there are a few different personality traits associated with this quality.
Psychologists often describe personality in terms offive broad dimensions. One of these dimensions is known asagreeableness. It encompasses several traits that relate to how you treat others. For example, many of the characteristics associated with niceness, including kindness and empathy, are aspects of agreeableness.
Research also suggests that agreeableness can then be broken down into two main components: compassion and politeness.Both of these traits play a role in what we often think of as “being nice.”
Signs You’re a Nice PersonPeople seem to enjoy your company.You feel compassion and empathy for others.You give people genuine compliments.You listen to what other people have to say.You take responsibility foryour mistakes.You’re honest but respectful.You’re kind to others.You’re kind to yourself.You’re supportive of other people.
Signs You’re a Nice Person
People seem to enjoy your company.You feel compassion and empathy for others.You give people genuine compliments.You listen to what other people have to say.You take responsibility foryour mistakes.You’re honest but respectful.You’re kind to others.You’re kind to yourself.You’re supportive of other people.
Prosocial behavioris the term psychologists use to refer to actions concerned with the well-being, safety, and feelings of others. In other words, many “nice” behaviors such as sharing, cooperating, and comforting are all prosocial actions that promote the welfare of other people.
Such behaviors obviously benefit those we help and foster greater social connectedness. However, research also suggests that being nice to other people can also benefit your own mental health.
Increased Attractiveness as a Potential Partner
Being a nice person can make you more attractive as a partner. In a 2019 study published in theJournal of Personality, participants rated kindness as the single most important characteristic in a life partner. This means people felt it was more important than financial prospects, physical attractiveness, and a sense of humor.
Better Mood
Being nice feels good. Research suggests that engaging in kind and helpful acts can help improve your mood. In one study, researchers found that engaging in kindness activities each day for seven days increased feelings of happiness and well-being.
The study also found that the more kind acts people performed, the happier they reported feeling. It also didn’t matter if these acts of kindness were directed toward friends, strangers, or even the self—all had an equally positive impact.
Decreased Stress
Niceness may also play a role in stress relief. Studies suggest that being nice may also help people cope more effectively with the effects of stress. For example, in one study, researchers found that people who performed acts of kindnessreported feeling less stress and negativity.
Increased Kindness
Research has also shown that kindness can be contagious. One study found that cooperative behavior tends to have a cascade effect, spreading up to three degrees of separation from the source.
This means that being nice to others is likely to cause them to be nice to others as well, triggering a wave of kind and cooperative behaviors within social networks.
Altruism: How to Cultivate Selfless Behavior
While there are clearly several important benefits, being nice can also have some downsides. This is particularly true if the need to be nice impedes genuine communication and authenticity.
Some potential negative outcomes of suppressing your real feelings in an effort to be “nice” include:
A Word From Verywell
It’s OK if you’re struggling to be a nicer person. Like any skill, being a nicer person may take time and effort. If you’re struggling, you may wish to speak to a therapist or trained mental health professional to work through any obstacles.
The Best Online Therapy ProgramsWe’ve tried, tested and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.
12 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Mathers N.Compassion and the science of kindness: Harvard Davis Lecture 2015.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(648):e525-e527. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X686041Pluut H, Wonders J.Not able to lead a healthy life when you need it the most: Dual role of lifestyle behaviors in the association of blurred work-life boundaries with well-being.Front Psychol. 2020;11:607294. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.607294Geurts B.Making sense of self talk.Rev Philos Psychol. 2018;9(2):271-285. doi:10.1007/s13164-017-0375-yLord M.Group learning capacity: The roles of open-mindedness and shared vision.Front Psychol. 2015;6:150. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00150Emmons RA, Stern R.Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention.Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;69(8):846-855. doi:10.1002/jclp.22020DeYoung CG, Quilty LC, Peterson JB.Between facets and domains: 10 aspects of the Big Five.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.2007;93(5):880–896. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.93.5.880Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD.Politeness and compassion differentially predict adherence to fairness norms and interventions to norm violations in economic games.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3415. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-02952-1Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD. Individual differences in good manners rather than compassion predict fair allocations of wealth in the dictator game: Good manners and compassion in the dictator game.J Pers. 2017;85(2):244-256. doi:10.1111/jopy.12237Thomas AG, Jonason PK, Blackburn JD, et al.Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross‐cultural test of the mate preference priority model.J Pers. 2020;88(3):606-620. doi:10.1111/jopy.12514Rowland L, Curry OS.A range of kindness activities boost happiness.J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(3):340-343. doi:10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461Raposa EB, Laws HB, Ansell EB.Prosocial behavior mitigates the negative effects of stress in everyday life.Clinical Psychological Science. 2016;4(4):691-698. doi:10.1177/2167702615611073Fowler JH, Christakis NA.Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks.Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2010;107(12):5334-5338. doi:10.1073/pnas.0913149107
12 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Mathers N.Compassion and the science of kindness: Harvard Davis Lecture 2015.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(648):e525-e527. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X686041Pluut H, Wonders J.Not able to lead a healthy life when you need it the most: Dual role of lifestyle behaviors in the association of blurred work-life boundaries with well-being.Front Psychol. 2020;11:607294. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.607294Geurts B.Making sense of self talk.Rev Philos Psychol. 2018;9(2):271-285. doi:10.1007/s13164-017-0375-yLord M.Group learning capacity: The roles of open-mindedness and shared vision.Front Psychol. 2015;6:150. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00150Emmons RA, Stern R.Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention.Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;69(8):846-855. doi:10.1002/jclp.22020DeYoung CG, Quilty LC, Peterson JB.Between facets and domains: 10 aspects of the Big Five.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.2007;93(5):880–896. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.93.5.880Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD.Politeness and compassion differentially predict adherence to fairness norms and interventions to norm violations in economic games.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3415. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-02952-1Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD. Individual differences in good manners rather than compassion predict fair allocations of wealth in the dictator game: Good manners and compassion in the dictator game.J Pers. 2017;85(2):244-256. doi:10.1111/jopy.12237Thomas AG, Jonason PK, Blackburn JD, et al.Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross‐cultural test of the mate preference priority model.J Pers. 2020;88(3):606-620. doi:10.1111/jopy.12514Rowland L, Curry OS.A range of kindness activities boost happiness.J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(3):340-343. doi:10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461Raposa EB, Laws HB, Ansell EB.Prosocial behavior mitigates the negative effects of stress in everyday life.Clinical Psychological Science. 2016;4(4):691-698. doi:10.1177/2167702615611073Fowler JH, Christakis NA.Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks.Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2010;107(12):5334-5338. doi:10.1073/pnas.0913149107
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Mathers N.Compassion and the science of kindness: Harvard Davis Lecture 2015.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(648):e525-e527. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X686041Pluut H, Wonders J.Not able to lead a healthy life when you need it the most: Dual role of lifestyle behaviors in the association of blurred work-life boundaries with well-being.Front Psychol. 2020;11:607294. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.607294Geurts B.Making sense of self talk.Rev Philos Psychol. 2018;9(2):271-285. doi:10.1007/s13164-017-0375-yLord M.Group learning capacity: The roles of open-mindedness and shared vision.Front Psychol. 2015;6:150. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00150Emmons RA, Stern R.Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention.Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;69(8):846-855. doi:10.1002/jclp.22020DeYoung CG, Quilty LC, Peterson JB.Between facets and domains: 10 aspects of the Big Five.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.2007;93(5):880–896. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.93.5.880Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD.Politeness and compassion differentially predict adherence to fairness norms and interventions to norm violations in economic games.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3415. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-02952-1Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD. Individual differences in good manners rather than compassion predict fair allocations of wealth in the dictator game: Good manners and compassion in the dictator game.J Pers. 2017;85(2):244-256. doi:10.1111/jopy.12237Thomas AG, Jonason PK, Blackburn JD, et al.Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross‐cultural test of the mate preference priority model.J Pers. 2020;88(3):606-620. doi:10.1111/jopy.12514Rowland L, Curry OS.A range of kindness activities boost happiness.J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(3):340-343. doi:10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461Raposa EB, Laws HB, Ansell EB.Prosocial behavior mitigates the negative effects of stress in everyday life.Clinical Psychological Science. 2016;4(4):691-698. doi:10.1177/2167702615611073Fowler JH, Christakis NA.Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks.Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2010;107(12):5334-5338. doi:10.1073/pnas.0913149107
Mathers N.Compassion and the science of kindness: Harvard Davis Lecture 2015.Br J Gen Pract. 2016;66(648):e525-e527. doi:10.3399/bjgp16X686041
Pluut H, Wonders J.Not able to lead a healthy life when you need it the most: Dual role of lifestyle behaviors in the association of blurred work-life boundaries with well-being.Front Psychol. 2020;11:607294. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.607294
Geurts B.Making sense of self talk.Rev Philos Psychol. 2018;9(2):271-285. doi:10.1007/s13164-017-0375-y
Lord M.Group learning capacity: The roles of open-mindedness and shared vision.Front Psychol. 2015;6:150. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00150
Emmons RA, Stern R.Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention.Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;69(8):846-855. doi:10.1002/jclp.22020
DeYoung CG, Quilty LC, Peterson JB.Between facets and domains: 10 aspects of the Big Five.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.2007;93(5):880–896. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.93.5.880
Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD.Politeness and compassion differentially predict adherence to fairness norms and interventions to norm violations in economic games.Sci Rep. 2017;7(1):3415. doi:10.1038/s41598-017-02952-1
Zhao K, Ferguson E, Smillie LD. Individual differences in good manners rather than compassion predict fair allocations of wealth in the dictator game: Good manners and compassion in the dictator game.J Pers. 2017;85(2):244-256. doi:10.1111/jopy.12237
Thomas AG, Jonason PK, Blackburn JD, et al.Mate preference priorities in the East and West: A cross‐cultural test of the mate preference priority model.J Pers. 2020;88(3):606-620. doi:10.1111/jopy.12514
Rowland L, Curry OS.A range of kindness activities boost happiness.J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(3):340-343. doi:10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461
Raposa EB, Laws HB, Ansell EB.Prosocial behavior mitigates the negative effects of stress in everyday life.Clinical Psychological Science. 2016;4(4):691-698. doi:10.1177/2167702615611073
Fowler JH, Christakis NA.Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks.Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2010;107(12):5334-5338. doi:10.1073/pnas.0913149107
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