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Milorad kravic / Getty ImagesThe word “selfish” often conjures up negative connotations, and in many cases it’s best to steer clear from self-centered behavior. At the same time, there are numerous instances that call for us to look inward and prioritize ourselves above those around us.“If we’re constantly giving our time and energy to others without being intentional about giving time and energy to ourselves, we run the risk of becoming so drained that we put our physical, mental, and emotional health in jeopardy,” explains therapistMichelle Felder, LCSW.What’s more, avoiding self-care can also cause us to lose sight of our own needs and makes it more difficult to give to those we care about most. Felder says that if we want to provide patience, compassion,kindness, and warmth to others, then we must show ourselves these things first.Sometimes it can be difficult to know when to lean into “selfishness.” Ahead, we’ve outlined six times when being “selfish” is actually a boon to yourself.
Milorad kravic / Getty Images
The word “selfish” often conjures up negative connotations, and in many cases it’s best to steer clear from self-centered behavior. At the same time, there are numerous instances that call for us to look inward and prioritize ourselves above those around us.
“If we’re constantly giving our time and energy to others without being intentional about giving time and energy to ourselves, we run the risk of becoming so drained that we put our physical, mental, and emotional health in jeopardy,” explains therapistMichelle Felder, LCSW.
What’s more, avoiding self-care can also cause us to lose sight of our own needs and makes it more difficult to give to those we care about most. Felder says that if we want to provide patience, compassion,kindness, and warmth to others, then we must show ourselves these things first.
Sometimes it can be difficult to know when to lean into “selfishness.” Ahead, we’ve outlined six times when being “selfish” is actually a boon to yourself.
1You Haven’t Had a Moment to Yourself in a WhileAlone timeplays a key role in our mental health. It allows for personal exploration, can foster creativity, and can help us refuel our energy tanks when we do spend time with others. If you haven’t taken the time to focus on yourself in a while, carve out an evening, a weekend, or even a few hours just for you.Felder says, “I suggest creating this time regularly so that you can be sure to avoid depleting yourself before you realize you need to fill yourself up.”
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You Haven’t Had a Moment to Yourself in a WhileAlone timeplays a key role in our mental health. It allows for personal exploration, can foster creativity, and can help us refuel our energy tanks when we do spend time with others. If you haven’t taken the time to focus on yourself in a while, carve out an evening, a weekend, or even a few hours just for you.Felder says, “I suggest creating this time regularly so that you can be sure to avoid depleting yourself before you realize you need to fill yourself up.”
You Haven’t Had a Moment to Yourself in a While
Alone timeplays a key role in our mental health. It allows for personal exploration, can foster creativity, and can help us refuel our energy tanks when we do spend time with others. If you haven’t taken the time to focus on yourself in a while, carve out an evening, a weekend, or even a few hours just for you.
Felder says, “I suggest creating this time regularly so that you can be sure to avoid depleting yourself before you realize you need to fill yourself up.”
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You’re Feeling Socially Burnt Out
How to Stop People-Pleasing
3You’re On VacationThe literal definition of vacation is “an extended period of leisure and recreation.” Whether you’re enjoying a staycation, enjoying a quick local getaway, or traveling for a longer period of time, it’s important to step away from work and home life responsibilities.“It does not serve us to accumulate earned time off to not take it,” saysChimere G. Holmes, LPC. “Make sure you take time away because you earned it and can only recharge and refuel after stepping away from the daily grind.”A 2018 study found that even short vacations can improve stress levels. Participants in the study noted that after three days, they felt better physically, had better sleep quality, and had an improved mood. Interestingly, these benefits were still present five weeks later.How to Take a Break from Work (and Why You Need To)
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You’re On VacationThe literal definition of vacation is “an extended period of leisure and recreation.” Whether you’re enjoying a staycation, enjoying a quick local getaway, or traveling for a longer period of time, it’s important to step away from work and home life responsibilities.“It does not serve us to accumulate earned time off to not take it,” saysChimere G. Holmes, LPC. “Make sure you take time away because you earned it and can only recharge and refuel after stepping away from the daily grind.”A 2018 study found that even short vacations can improve stress levels. Participants in the study noted that after three days, they felt better physically, had better sleep quality, and had an improved mood. Interestingly, these benefits were still present five weeks later.How to Take a Break from Work (and Why You Need To)
You’re On Vacation
The literal definition of vacation is “an extended period of leisure and recreation.” Whether you’re enjoying a staycation, enjoying a quick local getaway, or traveling for a longer period of time, it’s important to step away from work and home life responsibilities.
“It does not serve us to accumulate earned time off to not take it,” saysChimere G. Holmes, LPC. “Make sure you take time away because you earned it and can only recharge and refuel after stepping away from the daily grind.”
A 2018 study found that even short vacations can improve stress levels. Participants in the study noted that after three days, they felt better physically, had better sleep quality, and had an improved mood. Interestingly, these benefits were still present five weeks later.
How to Take a Break from Work (and Why You Need To)
4You’re Working Toward a GoalIt’s common to feel selfish or narcissistic for striving toward abig goal, but self-development and self-improvement are integral to our well-being. Maybe we’re putting more energy into our career, looking inward toward family versus social friendships, or working toward a health goal that requires an hour or two of our time every day.“When you advocate for your emotional needs, you are empowering yourself,” explainsHillary Schoninger, LCSW. “It is not selfish to ask for that raise or advocate for whatever you require. If what you seek will help you while not harming others, you’re practicing ‘healthy selfishness.’”
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You’re Working Toward a GoalIt’s common to feel selfish or narcissistic for striving toward abig goal, but self-development and self-improvement are integral to our well-being. Maybe we’re putting more energy into our career, looking inward toward family versus social friendships, or working toward a health goal that requires an hour or two of our time every day.“When you advocate for your emotional needs, you are empowering yourself,” explainsHillary Schoninger, LCSW. “It is not selfish to ask for that raise or advocate for whatever you require. If what you seek will help you while not harming others, you’re practicing ‘healthy selfishness.’”
You’re Working Toward a Goal
It’s common to feel selfish or narcissistic for striving toward abig goal, but self-development and self-improvement are integral to our well-being. Maybe we’re putting more energy into our career, looking inward toward family versus social friendships, or working toward a health goal that requires an hour or two of our time every day.
“When you advocate for your emotional needs, you are empowering yourself,” explainsHillary Schoninger, LCSW. “It is not selfish to ask for that raise or advocate for whatever you require. If what you seek will help you while not harming others, you’re practicing ‘healthy selfishness.’”
5You’re Celebrating an AccomplishmentSpeaking of goal-setting, another perfectly normal time to practice “selfishness” is when you’re celebrating amajor accomplishment. Schoninger says that, looking from the outside in, we might think of people celebrating personal milestones as narcissistic.However, we don’t have to view our own (or others’) achievements in this light. “When we can celebrate beautiful things in our lives we show our authentic presence, which does not have to be labeled as being an unhealthy narcissism,” she says.What’s interesting is that studies have found that celebrating our own successes “out loud” can have a positive impact on others. When cheering yourself on, it gives others permission to do the same.Healthy Ways to Celebrate Success
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You’re Celebrating an AccomplishmentSpeaking of goal-setting, another perfectly normal time to practice “selfishness” is when you’re celebrating amajor accomplishment. Schoninger says that, looking from the outside in, we might think of people celebrating personal milestones as narcissistic.However, we don’t have to view our own (or others’) achievements in this light. “When we can celebrate beautiful things in our lives we show our authentic presence, which does not have to be labeled as being an unhealthy narcissism,” she says.What’s interesting is that studies have found that celebrating our own successes “out loud” can have a positive impact on others. When cheering yourself on, it gives others permission to do the same.Healthy Ways to Celebrate Success
You’re Celebrating an Accomplishment
Speaking of goal-setting, another perfectly normal time to practice “selfishness” is when you’re celebrating amajor accomplishment. Schoninger says that, looking from the outside in, we might think of people celebrating personal milestones as narcissistic.
However, we don’t have to view our own (or others’) achievements in this light. “When we can celebrate beautiful things in our lives we show our authentic presence, which does not have to be labeled as being an unhealthy narcissism,” she says.
What’s interesting is that studies have found that celebrating our own successes “out loud” can have a positive impact on others. When cheering yourself on, it gives others permission to do the same.
Healthy Ways to Celebrate Success
6You’re Dealing With a Life ChallengeChallenging momentswill occur throughout our lives, and these are moments when practicing self-care are critical to our well-being. This is not limited to experiencing loss, entering or exiting a relationship, having children or going into “empty nest,” dealing with a diagnosis, or going through other significant changes.Practicing “selfishness” in these moments might look like stepping away from our responsibilities,leaning on others, asking for help, and taking more solo time to be introspective. Communicate your needs and do what you need in order to work through confusing emotions such as grief, strife, or frustration.What to Know About Situational Depression
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You’re Dealing With a Life ChallengeChallenging momentswill occur throughout our lives, and these are moments when practicing self-care are critical to our well-being. This is not limited to experiencing loss, entering or exiting a relationship, having children or going into “empty nest,” dealing with a diagnosis, or going through other significant changes.Practicing “selfishness” in these moments might look like stepping away from our responsibilities,leaning on others, asking for help, and taking more solo time to be introspective. Communicate your needs and do what you need in order to work through confusing emotions such as grief, strife, or frustration.What to Know About Situational Depression
You’re Dealing With a Life Challenge
Challenging momentswill occur throughout our lives, and these are moments when practicing self-care are critical to our well-being. This is not limited to experiencing loss, entering or exiting a relationship, having children or going into “empty nest,” dealing with a diagnosis, or going through other significant changes.
Practicing “selfishness” in these moments might look like stepping away from our responsibilities,leaning on others, asking for help, and taking more solo time to be introspective. Communicate your needs and do what you need in order to work through confusing emotions such as grief, strife, or frustration.
What to Know About Situational Depression
A Word From VerywellTaking time for yourself allows you to find greater balance across all aspects of your health and well-being. Selfishness can help you tune into yourself so you’re not onlyawareof your needs, but also able to meet them in a healthy way. In doing, so you ensure your cup is full and that you have plenty to spare for those you love most.The Importance of Setting Boundaries for Mental Health
A Word From Verywell
Taking time for yourself allows you to find greater balance across all aspects of your health and well-being. Selfishness can help you tune into yourself so you’re not onlyawareof your needs, but also able to meet them in a healthy way. In doing, so you ensure your cup is full and that you have plenty to spare for those you love most.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries for Mental Health
2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blank C, Gatterer K, Leichtfried V, Pollhammer D, Mair-Raggautz M, Duschek S, Humpeler E, Schobersberger W.Short vacation improves stress-level and well-being in German-speaking middle-managers-a randomized controlled trial.DeSteno D.Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2018.
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blank C, Gatterer K, Leichtfried V, Pollhammer D, Mair-Raggautz M, Duschek S, Humpeler E, Schobersberger W.Short vacation improves stress-level and well-being in German-speaking middle-managers-a randomized controlled trial.DeSteno D.Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2018.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Blank C, Gatterer K, Leichtfried V, Pollhammer D, Mair-Raggautz M, Duschek S, Humpeler E, Schobersberger W.Short vacation improves stress-level and well-being in German-speaking middle-managers-a randomized controlled trial.DeSteno D.Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2018.
Blank C, Gatterer K, Leichtfried V, Pollhammer D, Mair-Raggautz M, Duschek S, Humpeler E, Schobersberger W.Short vacation improves stress-level and well-being in German-speaking middle-managers-a randomized controlled trial.
DeSteno D.Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt; 2018.
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