Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsReasons Why Someone Might Be Self-CenteredDealing With Self-CenterednessAre You Too Self-Centered?How to Be Less Self-Centered
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Signs
Reasons Why Someone Might Be Self-Centered
Dealing With Self-Centeredness
Are You Too Self-Centered?
How to Be Less Self-Centered
Close
Someone who is self-centered or self-absorbed tends to be focused on themselves and may have difficulty showing consideration for others.
Self-centeredness differs fromself-care, because while self-care involves taking care of your needs and putting yourself first once in a while, particularly if you’re dealing with something stressful, self-centeredness involves thinking only about oneself.
This article discusses the signs that someone is too self-centered and suggests some strategies that can help you understand their behavior and cope with it. We also help you explore whether you might be too self-centered and how you can be less so.
What Are the Signs of a Self-Centered Person?
These are six signs that someone is too self-centered.
They Dominate Conversations
People who are self-centered tend to speak the most in conversations and meetings, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.
When you talk to them, it can feel like the conversation only focuses on their life, their accomplishments, and their problems.
They Lack Empathy
Beingempathetictoward others requires one to put themselves in another person’s shoes and understand their feelings. Self-centered people may not be able to see things from another person’s perspective in order to empathize with them.
They Take More Than They Give
Self-centered people often take more than they give. Your relationship with them can feelone-sidedbecause it feels you put in all the effort to maintain it, without getting anything in return.
They Want Things Done Their Way
People who are self-centered often want things done their way. They may have a hard time compromising and doing things someone else’s way.
For instance, they typically won’t let anyone else pick the movie or restaurant, says Dr. Daramus.
They’re Quick to Blame Others and Avoid Responsibility
Self-centered people may not be able to recognize that they’ve done something wrong and mayblameothers for any mistakes.
They Always Want to Be the Center of Attention
Self-centered people tend to want to be thecenter of attention. If the focus happens to shift to something or someone else, they may try to find a way to bring it back to themselves.
While you may experience the impact of someone’s self-centered behavior, it’s important to consider that there are reasons why they may behave this way.
These are some of the reasons why someone might be self-centered, according to the experts:
6 Times It’s Perfectly OK to Be Selfish
Coping With Someone Who Is Self-Centered
These are some strategies that can help you cope with someone’s self-centered behavior.
Tell Them How You Feel
While some people may have awareness of wanting to be the center of attention and take the attention away from others, most people who do it probably don’t realize that they are doing it or how their behaviors impact others, says Renteria.
If the person is unaware of their behavior, you can have an honest discussion with them about how their words and actions are affecting you. Most people respond to being re-directed or can learn to be re-directed, says Renteria.
Suggest Therapy
If the person is open to the suggestion, therapy could help them examine their behavior, explore what’s causing it, and learn to be more considerate of others.
Assert Yourself
If the person is being inconsiderate, you canassert yourselfto make sure your needs and preferences are heard. Dr. Daramus recommends being diplomatic but specific in your needs and preferences.
For example, if you’re upset and need to vent, but the person tends to monopolize the conversation, you can ask for their attention. Dr. Daramus suggests saying something like: “Hey, I had a wild day at work, do you have 15 minutes to listen to me vent?”
Adjust Your Expectations
Being around a self-centered person can cause you to feel disappointed, upset, or angry if they’re inconsiderate toward you. You may even feel used because you’ve given them so much of your time, energy, attention, and support without receiving much in return.
However, recognizing them for who they are and adjusting yourexpectationsaccordingly can help you cope. For instance, a colleague who tends to be self-centered may not be the best friend you confide in and rely on for support, but can still be fun to hang out with once in a while.
Set Boundaries in Your Relationship With Them
Self-centered people can take up a lot of your time and energy if you let them.Setting boundariesin your relationship can help you protect yourself.
For instance, if it’s a friend who’s calling you for a chat, let them know at the beginning that you only have 15 minutes before you have to get back to work.
Or, if it’s a coworker, Dr. Daramus recommends setting agendas for meetings in advance with time-limited goals so they don’t take up your whole day.
Keep Your Distance From Them
If being around them is draining your energy or causing you to feel angry or upset often, it may be best to avoid them.
If it’s a friend or romantic partner who doesn’t seem capable of change, you can choose toend your relationshipwith them in order to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
If it’s a family member, colleague, or neighbor whom you may not be able to avoid entirely, you can limit your interaction with them to what is strictly necessary and distance yourself from them as much as possible.
Letting Go of a Relationship That Is Stressing You Out
How Can You Tell If You Are Too Self-Centered?
While we can recognize self-centeredness in other people, it can be harder to recognize it in ourselves. Dr. Daramus says these are some signs that can help you identify self-centeredness in yourself:
Strengthen Friendships With Good Listening Skills
If someone in your life has pointed out that you’re too self-centered, you may wonder how to correct that. Dr. Daramus suggests some strategies that can help you be less self-absorbed:
Research shows that while being self-centered can feel good in the moment, being selfless leads to more authentic and durable happiness.
Frequently Asked QuestionsSelf-centeredness and selfishness are similar concepts, but they’re not exactly the same thing.Self-centeredness is a single-minded focus on oneself and one’s own needs, desires, preferences, and problems. Someone who is self-centered may be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and may not be very attentive to the needs and perspectives of others.On the other hand,selfishnessis a lack of concern for others, to the extent that someone may actively pursue their own goals and desires at the expense of others.Self-centeredness is similar to narcissism, but less severe, says Dr. Daramus. “While a narcissist has trouble caring about others, someone who is self-centered can have relationships and care about others, but they tend to focus more on what‘s going on with themselves than with others.”
Frequently Asked Questions
Self-centeredness and selfishness are similar concepts, but they’re not exactly the same thing.Self-centeredness is a single-minded focus on oneself and one’s own needs, desires, preferences, and problems. Someone who is self-centered may be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and may not be very attentive to the needs and perspectives of others.On the other hand,selfishnessis a lack of concern for others, to the extent that someone may actively pursue their own goals and desires at the expense of others.
Self-centeredness and selfishness are similar concepts, but they’re not exactly the same thing.
Self-centeredness is a single-minded focus on oneself and one’s own needs, desires, preferences, and problems. Someone who is self-centered may be preoccupied with their own thoughts and feelings and may not be very attentive to the needs and perspectives of others.
On the other hand,selfishnessis a lack of concern for others, to the extent that someone may actively pursue their own goals and desires at the expense of others.
Self-centeredness is similar to narcissism, but less severe, says Dr. Daramus. “While a narcissist has trouble caring about others, someone who is self-centered can have relationships and care about others, but they tend to focus more on what‘s going on with themselves than with others.”
6 Ways to Become a Nicer Person
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Wegemer CM.Selflessness, depression, and neuroticism: an interactionist perspective on the effects of self-transcendence, perspective-taking, and materialism.Front Psychol. 2020;11:523950. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.523950American Psychological Association.Antisocial personality disorder.Dambrun M.Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes.PeerJ. 2017;5:e3306. doi:10.7717/peerj.3306
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Wegemer CM.Selflessness, depression, and neuroticism: an interactionist perspective on the effects of self-transcendence, perspective-taking, and materialism.Front Psychol. 2020;11:523950. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.523950American Psychological Association.Antisocial personality disorder.Dambrun M.Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes.PeerJ. 2017;5:e3306. doi:10.7717/peerj.3306
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Wegemer CM.Selflessness, depression, and neuroticism: an interactionist perspective on the effects of self-transcendence, perspective-taking, and materialism.Front Psychol. 2020;11:523950. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.523950American Psychological Association.Antisocial personality disorder.Dambrun M.Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes.PeerJ. 2017;5:e3306. doi:10.7717/peerj.3306
Wegemer CM.Selflessness, depression, and neuroticism: an interactionist perspective on the effects of self-transcendence, perspective-taking, and materialism.Front Psychol. 2020;11:523950. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.523950
American Psychological Association.Antisocial personality disorder.
Dambrun M.Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes.PeerJ. 2017;5:e3306. doi:10.7717/peerj.3306
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
