Learning you’ve been cheated on is such a terrible feeling. One of the only things that can feel worse than discovering your partner cheated on you, though, is finding out that it isn’t their first time being unfaithful. A person with a history of cheating is a serial cheater. They may cheat emotionally, physically, or both.

The cheating may have occurred once in a relationship but with multiple relationships, or numerous times with the same partner. Serial cheating simply means that someone has cheated on a partner more than once.

How can you be on the lookout for a serial cheater, and what can you do if you learn that your partner has been cheating on you repeatedly? With the help of a board-certified psychiatrist, we’ll parse out everything you need to know to handle this difficult situation.

Characteristics and Behaviors of Serial Cheaters

It’s worth noting that cheating is a form of expression, and can have many underlying causes. “Serial cheating should also be viewed as a behavioral form of communicating; a window into underlying emotions, impulses toward recreating pasttrauma, avoiding emotional intimacy, and low self-esteem,” explains co-founder ofSohoMDDr. Edward Ratush.

The following are signs that a person has a history of cheating on a partner.

Why Do People in Relationships Cheat?

Impact of Serial Cheating on Relationships

Serial cheating impacts both the cheater and the person being cheated on, and, in short, it just isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Both the person cheating and the person being cheated on many quickly find themself worse for the wear of the experience.

Your own history in relationships can dictate how you respond to being cheated on. “For the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop,” warns Ratush.

On the other hand, a positive relationship history may help you get out of the situation more quickly. “If the partner who has been cheated on possesses, themselves, a healthy attachment process and high self-esteem, they will generally move on from the relationship and avoid the drama of further negative behavior,” he says.

Dr. Edward RatushFor the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop.

Dr. Edward Ratush

For the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop.

For the person cheating, doing it again after having done it in the past might reinforce negative self-beliefs. “For the cheater, it could be out of their control, with addiction or impulse issues negatively impacting their self-esteem,” says Ratush. In fact, he tells us that the situation might be so out of their control that “some serial cheaters, especially those prone to addiction, can be so emotionally possessed that they will put a loving relationship at risk just to fulfill their compulsive needs.”

How to Recognize and Cope With Micro Cheating, According to a Therapist

How to Identify a Serial Cheater

Now that you know some characteristics and behaviors of a serial cheater, it should be easier to discern the warning signs. Here’s how to identify that someone has a history of cheating, or that in doing it now, it isn’t the first time.

Top signs of a serial cheaterThey have poor relationships with others. “One important place to look is their relationship with their parents, siblings, and friends,” says Ratush. That’s because “if they have long-term, healthy dynamic relationships with people in their lives, chances are they’ll have it with their partner.“They are resistant to addressing their mental health when you bring it up. “look for people who take care of their mental health,” suggests Ratush. “Cheaters, commonly, endure poor states of mental health,” he explains, noting that “identifying untreated mental health disorders and/or poor mental hygiene is critical to understanding the serial cheater.“They’ve cheated on you once already. Because of the studies showing that those who have cheated once are more likely to do it again, you might not want to accept an apology and move on with full trust.

Top signs of a serial cheater

They have poor relationships with others. “One important place to look is their relationship with their parents, siblings, and friends,” says Ratush. That’s because “if they have long-term, healthy dynamic relationships with people in their lives, chances are they’ll have it with their partner.“They are resistant to addressing their mental health when you bring it up. “look for people who take care of their mental health,” suggests Ratush. “Cheaters, commonly, endure poor states of mental health,” he explains, noting that “identifying untreated mental health disorders and/or poor mental hygiene is critical to understanding the serial cheater.“They’ve cheated on you once already. Because of the studies showing that those who have cheated once are more likely to do it again, you might not want to accept an apology and move on with full trust.

Anyone can be a cheater, but some demographics are more prone to cheating than others. For instance, men are more statistically likely to cheat than women, and older people are more likely to cheat than younger ones.

How to Deal With a Serial Cheater

If you’ve discovered that your partner is a serial cheater, you shouldn’t wait to take action. You’ll want to begin taking your next steps as soon as possible.

First, you need to prioritize your physical health. “When cheating is discovered, the first concern should be personal health: stop sexual intimacy immediately to avoid any health risks,” recommends Ratush. If your partner claims to have taken precautions when cheating, that doesn’t mean it’s safe to engage with them. You’ll want to both get tested right away.

Next, therapy is in order. " Work on a plan to engage in psychiatric treatment involving both a biological work-up and talk therapy,” says Ratush. Unless the situation is dealt with, your partner is likely to cheat again. And you should also take part in therapy, both to process the trauma of your partner cheating and to make sure you don’t get caught up in their cycle of it.

Lastly, you need to pause in the present. “Explore tangible steps to improve the state of mental health before talking seriously about the future of the relationship,” suggests Ratush. If you have future plans, it’s best to put them on pause until you can both be sure your partner won’t cheat on you again.

8 Tips for Coping When Your Partner Is Unfaithful

Seeking out therapy for yourself will be key to making sure you don’t move straight from one person who cheats to another who does too. “A person moving on after a relationship with a serial cheater should have their own psychiatric evaluation done—to make sure they have the right support to manage any heartbreak and also to understand whether they’re somehow attracting this type of person into their lives,” suggests Ratush. He says that this work should be done for the sake of your mental health and self-esteem.

If you decide to stay with your partner, their own therapy will be needed to change their habits. The good news is, that’s actually possible! “With the proper psychiatric care, cheaters can find the path to healthier emotional living,” explains Ratush. “Sometimes, with the right support and treatment, the emotions andhonestythat can be brought to light after a cheating episode can become the motivation that helps people commit to elevating their lives.”

How to Fix a Relationship After Cheating

Resources for Your Emotional Health

If you have been with a serial cheater, know that it isn’t your fault. You chose to love someone who is acting from a place of not being fully well emotionally, and that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Your focus should now be on how to improve your place emotional wellness so that you recover from this situation.

Infidelity Survivors Anonymousis a support group for people who have been the victims of cheating. They have meetings online and in person, as well as hosted events. If you are unsure how to get the support you need, this is the perfect place to start.

If you are going to stay with your partner, utilizing a structured form of recovery can keep your partner on track.The Infidelity Recovery Institutehas a seven step program designed for couples who want to move forward together after someone in the relationship has cheated.

Your own personal network can also be relied on. Rather than keeping this situation to yourself, tell those you are close to about what you have been through. Allow yourself to lean on your loved ones as you recover from being with a serial cheater. They’ll help you take the time to care for yourself, and can remind you that it wasn’t your fault.

Being with a serial cheater is traumatic, so give yourself the grace to take time to get over it. Healing doesn’t happen immediately, but your future can still be full of love and honesty.

The Best Online Therapy ProgramsWe’ve tried, tested and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM.Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships.Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(8):2301-2311.Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity in america.Institute for Family Studies.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM.Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships.Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(8):2301-2311.Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity in america.Institute for Family Studies.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM.Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships.Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(8):2301-2311.Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity in america.Institute for Family Studies.

Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM.Once a cheater, always a cheater? Serial infidelity across subsequent relationships.Arch Sex Behav. 2017;46(8):2301-2311.

Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity in america.Institute for Family Studies.

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