50 Deep Questions to Ask Your Friends for Juicy Conversations

Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents50 Deep Questions to Ask Your FriendsDeep Questions to Ask About RelationshipsDeep Questions to Ask About the WorldDeep Questions to Ask About Life and DeathDeep Questions About Success and FailureDeep Questions to Get Weirdly PhilosophicalThe Importance of Asking Deep QuestionsWhat Topics Are Considered Deep?Advice on Initiating Deep Conversations with Friends

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

50 Deep Questions to Ask Your Friends

Deep Questions to Ask About Relationships

Deep Questions to Ask About the World

Deep Questions to Ask About Life and Death

Deep Questions About Success and Failure

Deep Questions to Get Weirdly Philosophical

The Importance of Asking Deep Questions

What Topics Are Considered Deep?

Advice on Initiating Deep Conversations with Friends

Beginning a relationship with lighthearted questions—usually focused around interests, hobbies, and their life—is the perfect place to start. But as you develop your friendship, it makes sense to start asking deep questions to engage on a whole new level.

If you lived in a college dorm, there’s a good chance you’ve engaged in your fair share of deep conversations with friends already, and those may be some of your most cherished memories.

Asking friends deep questions is important for developing a strong bond. It’s a great way to learn more about others, increase closeness between you, and have more interesting conversations. It is a healthy attribute of any relationship and can createemotional intimacy.—REENA B PATEL, LEP, BCBA

—REENA B PATEL, LEP, BCBA

Read on to discover the importance of deep questions over surface level conversation topics, check out a list of questions to get you started, and some tips on initiating deep conversations with friends so you can strengthen your relationships.

These questions cover a variety of topics including childhood, relationships, personal philosophies, and more. Many of them should spark natural follow up questions and conversation. You know your friends best, so choose the questions that you think may generate the best conversations and won’t make anyone too uncomfortable.

It’s also important to first make sure that you would be comfortable answering the question yourself. Once you put someone else on the hot seat, it’s only a matter of time before they turn the question back on you. Avoid anything that may be too traumatic ortriggering, unless that is something you and your friends are all comfortable with.

Some of these may seem lighthearted, but actually can lead to some of the most interesting insights into you and your friends' psyche.

These questions can help generate some interesting insights into how your friends feel about the relationships in their lives, and perhaps yield some insights into why you are good friends with them in the first place:

Everyone has their own opinions about what is right and wrong with the world. These questions can help you and your friends dig in on how you really feel, and why you feel that way. These kinds of questions could provoke some intriguing and enlightening—but friendly—arguments.

There are no bigger questions than those that address where we came from and where we’re going. These are some serious topics, so be prepared for things to get heavy. As long as you’re in a safe space, these questions will make for some fascinating conversation:

Sometimes, our friends may be the people we are most jealous of. But they probably feel the same about you! These questions about success and the various paths our lives can take will help you put things in perspective:

The key difference between surface level conversations and deep questions is that the former has a quick and dry answer while the latter invites both parties to explore the topic more deeply. For example, lighthearted topics might be around today’s news or what happened at work today, while a deeper conversation goes beyond the surface.

Patel says deep conversations fulfill the following criteria:

There’s a time and place for these lighthearted conversations, of course—you can’t be deepallthe time without your exchanges becoming exhausting—but it’s important to weave in deeper subjects for juicier conversations and more fulfilling relationships.

Deep conversation categories run the gamut, but include:

Reena B. Patel, clinical psychologistEngaging in deep conversations with people allows us to develop empathy, increases our own mental wellness, and creates connections.

Reena B. Patel, clinical psychologist

Engaging in deep conversations with people allows us to develop empathy, increases our own mental wellness, and creates connections.

“Engaging in deep conversations with people allows us to develop empathy, increases our own mental wellness, and creates connections,” Patel explains. “It also has benefits of intellectual stimulation and increased positive emotions.”

What’s more, research shows that going beyondsmall talktends to make people feel happier, even though it’s challenging to initiate these deeper conversations. A 2021 study found that people felt more connected to others when having deep conversations versus shallow ones.

Another study from 2018 found that when we have these deep bonds, it promotes self-esteem, improves life satisfaction, fosters a sense of belonging, and boosts both our mental and physical health.

The 2021 study we referenced above was interesting in that it noted people’s desire to connect deeply, but acknowledged just how difficult it can be to start these conversations.

Reena B. Patel, clinical psychologistCreate a space where one feels safe to share, make time, validate and establish rapport. Ask questions about their values and perspective and actively listen without judgment.

Create a space where one feels safe to share, make time, validate and establish rapport. Ask questions about their values and perspective and actively listen without judgment.

The truth is that asking deep questions requires vulnerability from both parties. You’ll find, though, that once you start talking about these topics the other person will open up slowly, which leads to a snowball effect of continued relationship growth. But how do you get there to begin with?

“Create a space where one feels safe to share, make time, validate and establish rapport,” Patel says. “Ask questions about their values and perspective and actively listen without judgment.”

Remember, asking deep questions is a two-way street, meaning that there’s give and take from both sides. Remain open to your friends’ responses, be willing to share your own thoughts and experiences, and respect any desire to end the conversation or switch to a new topic.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2022).Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 122(3), 367–398.https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000281Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S.Social relations and life satisfaction: the role of friends.Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2022).Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 122(3), 367–398.https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000281Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S.Social relations and life satisfaction: the role of friends.Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2022).Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 122(3), 367–398.https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000281Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S.Social relations and life satisfaction: the role of friends.Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S.Social relations and life satisfaction: the role of friends.Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

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Reena B. Patel, clinical psychologist#

Reena B. Patel, clinical psychologist