5 Ways to Defeat a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Here are five ways to defeat the self-fulfilling prophecy:

1. Leverage the Power of Trust

Have you ever convinced yourself that your partner is cheating on you? Or that a friend is secretly mad at you? It’s such an awful feeling. When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s natural to want to protect yourself from getting hurt. However, it’s important to keep things in perspective and not obsess. You don’t want to end up creating problems where there were none to begin with.

According to Talkspace therapists Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, CFTP, and Elizabeth Hinkle, LMFT, self-fulfilling prophecies are common in relationships. “Sometimes the interactions become so toxic and draining when one person is accusing the other repeatedly,” shared Hinkle, “that the other person thinks ‘I may as well be cheating since he always thinks I am.’”

In other words, one partner’s jealousy can inadvertently become a distorted form of “permission” to act out and not be faithful.

2. Release the Need for Control

I love trying to control situations as much as the next person. If I’m not careful, I’ll waste a lot of time and energy worrying about the future, thinking if I just say or do the “right” thing, I can avoid the pain of things not always going the way I want them to.

Hinkle finds that self-fulfilling prophecies are often related tofears and anxieties. “It’s anxiety-producing for us to let go of that control and be just in this moment, today,” said Hinkle. Some peoplefear failuressuch as a presentation not going well, a relationship ending, or staying depressed, which Hinkle says can be strong motivators to not take risks. Others have a fear of success such as getting promoted or feeling better, which Hinkle says can be anxiety-provoking in its own way.

3. Don’t Dismiss Your Emotions

Sometimes I feel embarrassed about jumping to worst-case scenario conclusions. While a part of me knows my reasoning may not always be the most rational, there is another part of me that is consumed with fear and the inability to think clearly. What if my plane crashes? What if my husband gets in a car accident? What if the apartment burns down?

Instead of dismissing your emotions, Hinkle feels it’s important to validate them. “Emotions are not right or wrong,” she said. “They are not good or bad either. They just are.” Hinkle findsmindfulness practicessuch as staying in the moment, not anticipating too far in the future, and avoiding predicting an outcome to be very effective when someone is afraid of what’s going to happen next.

4. Keep Your Expectations In Check

Catchings explains that self-fulfilling prophecies are, in essence, predisposing ourselves to experience something that has not happened. “We create an expectation about a person, event or action,” she said, “and it can affect our behavior towards that subject. This then causes the expectation to happen or materialize.” Think: jealousy causing a break up, suspicion of infidelity causing a divorce, and fear of losing a job causing a person to be let go.

At this point, I am fairly familiar with my tendency to “catastrophize” or irrationally believe that something is far worse than it is. However, this doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I continuously have to check myself and my thought patterns to make sure I’m not spending precious energy blowing a situation out of proportion.

5. Strengthen Your Mindset

Having a strong mindset can be tremendously helpful in overcoming self-fulfilling prophecies. Here are a few resources that the Talkspace therapist community recommends:

It can be hard to come to grips with the fact that our very human need to feel in control can backfire if left unsupervised. I have had to learn time and time again that control is an illusion and there is no such thing as perfect. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeed, and sometimes things unfold in ways we never expect. As painful as some of those lessons are, I try to remind myself that everything is happening in my favor.

Falling down is inevitable. Getting back up is a choice.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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