5 Tips for Opening Up to a Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy Social Anxiety Can Make Going to Therapy Super Hard5 Tips for Opening Up to Your Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety

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Table of Contents

Why Social Anxiety Can Make Going to Therapy Super Hard

5 Tips for Opening Up to Your Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety

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It can be hard to talk openly with a therapist if you havesocial anxiety disorder (SAD). The reason that you are going totherapyis that you are afraid of people; and yet therapy requires you to open up and share your innermost feelings with a complete stranger. What a conundrum right?

Particularly for those with generalized SAD, therapy may initially be as difficult as the social situations that you fear.It is a catch-22 that’s pretty unique to people who get anxious in social situations.

Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help get more comfortable opening up to your therapist.

At a GlanceFor those of us with social anxiety disorder, it can be really nerve-wracking socializing with others. But it might be even more difficult to open up to a therapist. Sure, therapy is a safe space but we’re required to share our innermost thoughts with a total stranger. That’s rough! The good news is that there are some ways to make getting vulnerable with your therapist even if you have social anxiety.

At a Glance

For those of us with social anxiety disorder, it can be really nerve-wracking socializing with others. But it might be even more difficult to open up to a therapist. Sure, therapy is a safe space but we’re required to share our innermost thoughts with a total stranger. That’s rough! The good news is that there are some ways to make getting vulnerable with your therapist even if you have social anxiety.

Many people who enter therapy for the first time may have trouble opening up. This problem may be particularly severe for those with social anxiety because:

Unfortunately, this problem plagues many who suffer from social anxiety. In addition, many people are too ashamed to tell their therapist how they are feeling, and so the anxiety is never resolved.

So what can be done to alleviate this anxiety?

It is not an impossible situation. Below are some tips to help you better cope withopening up in therapy.

Give It Time to See If You and Your Therapist Are a Good Match

Finding a therapist you connect with is a lot like dating. Compatibility and shared values are often a must. How can you talk to someone you can’t relate to? You can’t. So, take a few sessions to see if you and your therapist really hit it off. The first session isn’t always a good indication and you might get more comfortable with your therapist over time.

Do a Vibe CheckIn some cases though, you may need tobreak up with your therapist—and that’s OK! Good therapeutic rapport leads to better therapeutic outcomesso it’s in your best interest to make sure the vibe is right.Ask yourself these questions to see if it’s a good match or not:Is my therapist warm and friendly?Does my therapist encourage me or intimidate me?Is my therapist knowledgeable about social anxiety or do they dismiss my concerns?Do I feel good when I talk to them?How do I feel after a therapy session? Do I feel like I’ve been heard/validated?Does my therapist seem to “get” me?Does my therapist let me speak freely?

Do a Vibe Check

In some cases though, you may need tobreak up with your therapist—and that’s OK! Good therapeutic rapport leads to better therapeutic outcomesso it’s in your best interest to make sure the vibe is right.Ask yourself these questions to see if it’s a good match or not:Is my therapist warm and friendly?Does my therapist encourage me or intimidate me?Is my therapist knowledgeable about social anxiety or do they dismiss my concerns?Do I feel good when I talk to them?How do I feel after a therapy session? Do I feel like I’ve been heard/validated?Does my therapist seem to “get” me?Does my therapist let me speak freely?

In some cases though, you may need tobreak up with your therapist—and that’s OK! Good therapeutic rapport leads to better therapeutic outcomesso it’s in your best interest to make sure the vibe is right.

Ask yourself these questions to see if it’s a good match or not:

Why a Therapeutic Alliance Is Important in Therapy

Write Down What You Want to Say On Paper

If you find it easier to share feelings on paper than in person, consider writing down how you feel before a session and giving it to your therapist.

Expressing your feelings in writing is a good way to initially feel safer in therapy, and may help you to more easily engage with your therapist as treatment progresses.

What you write is up to you. It could be a list of topics to talk about, a journal of your thoughts for the week, or even a full letter explaining how you feel in detail.

Try This Tip!If you feel uncomfortable watching someone read what you have written, consider emailing it to your therapist before the session.

Try This Tip!

If you feel uncomfortable watching someone read what you have written, consider emailing it to your therapist before the session.

Consider Giving Online Therapy a Shot

Online therapyis becoming more popular and for good reason: the ability to talk to someone in an email or chat format about personal issues instead of in person is appealing to many.For those with social anxiety, it may be a better introduction to therapy than face-to-face encounters.

For those who have started in-person therapy and quit prematurely because of anxiety, online therapy may be a particularly good alternative.

Ultimately, engaging in online therapy may make it easier to eventually speak to a therapist in person.

The 9 Best Online Therapy Programs

Join a Peer Support Group

Although it may seem counter-intuitive to seek help in a group setting when you are afraid of people,peer support groupshave many advantages for those with social anxiety.

In peer support groups, we have the option of sitting and listening quietly without speaking. We’ll get the chance to hear about how others have also been afraid to open up in therapy and how they overcame this obstacle.

FYI: If you do decide to join a peer support group, make sure that it is one that is for people with social anxiety or that the group is sensitive to the challenges of people with social anxiety.

It Might Be Time to Admit Your Anxiety to Your Therapist

Feel free to explain how your social anxiety it making it difficult for you to really open up. Your therapist’s job is to help you work through these issues, and it is important that they know what you are really feeling.You may be surprised at how telling the truth about your anxiety in therapy makes it easier to open up.

What This Means For YouAlthough opening up in therapy is never easy for those with SAD, the rewards of doing so can be great.Find a therapistthat you trust, give it enough time, write things down when you feel the need, and try to be as honest as you can about your feelings. Doing so will make the most of your time in therapy.

What This Means For You

Although opening up in therapy is never easy for those with SAD, the rewards of doing so can be great.Find a therapistthat you trust, give it enough time, write things down when you feel the need, and try to be as honest as you can about your feelings. Doing so will make the most of your time in therapy.

How Client-Centered Therapy Works

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Understand the facts. Social anxiety disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Totura CMW, Fields SA, Karver MS.The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychopharmacological Treatment Outcomes: A Meta-analytic Review.Psychiatr Serv. 2018;69(1):41-47. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201700114Krijnen-de bruin E, Muntingh ADT, Hoogendoorn AW, et al.The GET READY relapse prevention programme for anxiety and depression: a mixed-methods study protocol.BMC Psychiatry. 2019;19(1):64. doi:10.1186/s12888-019-2034-6Goodman, K.Escaping the web of anxiety: the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Understand the facts. Social anxiety disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Totura CMW, Fields SA, Karver MS.The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychopharmacological Treatment Outcomes: A Meta-analytic Review.Psychiatr Serv. 2018;69(1):41-47. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201700114Krijnen-de bruin E, Muntingh ADT, Hoogendoorn AW, et al.The GET READY relapse prevention programme for anxiety and depression: a mixed-methods study protocol.BMC Psychiatry. 2019;19(1):64. doi:10.1186/s12888-019-2034-6Goodman, K.Escaping the web of anxiety: the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Understand the facts. Social anxiety disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.Totura CMW, Fields SA, Karver MS.The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychopharmacological Treatment Outcomes: A Meta-analytic Review.Psychiatr Serv. 2018;69(1):41-47. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201700114Krijnen-de bruin E, Muntingh ADT, Hoogendoorn AW, et al.The GET READY relapse prevention programme for anxiety and depression: a mixed-methods study protocol.BMC Psychiatry. 2019;19(1):64. doi:10.1186/s12888-019-2034-6Goodman, K.Escaping the web of anxiety: the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Understand the facts. Social anxiety disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Totura CMW, Fields SA, Karver MS.The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychopharmacological Treatment Outcomes: A Meta-analytic Review.Psychiatr Serv. 2018;69(1):41-47. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201700114

Krijnen-de bruin E, Muntingh ADT, Hoogendoorn AW, et al.The GET READY relapse prevention programme for anxiety and depression: a mixed-methods study protocol.BMC Psychiatry. 2019;19(1):64. doi:10.1186/s12888-019-2034-6

Goodman, K.Escaping the web of anxiety: the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders. Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

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