Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Tenured Friend?The Benefits of Having Tenured Friends5 Key Signs of a Tenured FriendTips for Maintaining Lifelong Friendships

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is a Tenured Friend?

The Benefits of Having Tenured Friends

5 Key Signs of a Tenured Friend

Tips for Maintaining Lifelong Friendships

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TikTok and social media refer to these lifelong bonds as “tenured friends.” Read on to learn what tenured friends are, how they benefit us, and how to keep them strong.

How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life

“Maybe it is the friend who walked with you on your first day of kindergarten and held your hand because you were scared. Or maybe it’s your college roommate who knows what you did at that wild party, at many wild parties—but will never,evertell,” says mental health counselorNaomi Angoff Chedd, LMHC. “You can stay up talking until sunrise or sit in silence with this friend and feel perfectly content, either way.”

A “New” Tenured Friend

Best of all, the two of you never need to question your love, your trust, and your commitment to each other. A tenured friend is also someone you may not see or talk to every day—you may even live thousands of miles apart—but when you pick up the phone or get to spend time together, it’s like no time has passed.

Maybe it is the friend who walked with you on your first day of kindergarten and held your hand because you were scared. Or maybe it’s your college roommate who knows what you did at that wild party, at many wild parties—but will never,evertell.—NAOMI ANGOFF CHEDD, LMHC

Maybe it is the friend who walked with you on your first day of kindergarten and held your hand because you were scared. Or maybe it’s your college roommate who knows what you did at that wild party, at many wild parties—but will never,evertell.

—NAOMI ANGOFF CHEDD, LMHC

The benefits of having tenured friendships are immeasurable. This is someone who’s always in your corner, who knows the deepest parts of you, and who you can rely on no matter what life throws your way.

As a therapist,Jessica Montague, LCSW, sees first-hand the value of people having multiple deep, meaningful relationships in their lives. “Robin Dunbar’s foundational research in the ‘90s showed us that we only need a few great friendships—five was his number—in order to be happy. Research has also suggested that three is enough to lead a fulfilling life.”

Research tells us that friends provide important emotional supportthat contributes to overall happiness and well-being and can also help us manage our stress levels.Science has also shown that having meaningful friendships can positively impact our physical health since isolation and loneliness are linked with a variety of health issues.

6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close

So how do you know if you’ve got a tenured friend? Look for these key signs.

There’s a Sense of Safety & Support

Tenured friendships are healthy relationships that provide us with a sense of long-term safety and reliability, Montague says. You can tell this person anything, they feel free to share with you, and you’re both there for each other with love, acceptance, and support.

You Know Each Other Extremely Well

Another characteristic of tenured friendships is that you really see, hear, and deeply know the other person. “If time passes and you haven’t been in touch, you pick up where you left off, as though very little time had passed,” Montague says. You’re privy to each other’s secrets and embarrassing moments, greatest joys, life woes, major milestones, and so much more.

You’re Excited to Update Them on Your Life

Even if you don’t talk every day, a tenured friend is someone who often has a first-row seat in your life. You’re eager to share big news with them and they’re one of the first people you reach out to when something’s gone wrong. Montague says, “Big career changes, relationship issues, raising kids, whatever—you keep it real, and you stay open to each other.”

Big career changes, relationship issues, raising kids, whatever—you keep it real, and you stay open to each other.—JESSICA MONTAGUE, LCSW

Big career changes, relationship issues, raising kids, whatever—you keep it real, and you stay open to each other.

—JESSICA MONTAGUE, LCSW

Your Friendship is Flexible

It Fosters Authentic Joy

Tenured friendships have a sort of ease and joy about them, often the result of being very comfortable with each other, accepting each other’s flaws, connecting in meaningful ways, and committing to each other for the long haul. When you get to be your true self—and when the friendship doesn’t require a ton of effort to maintain momentum—it naturally frees you up to have a deep and connected joy.

Jessica Montague, LCSW

8 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate

The beauty of having a tenured friend is that they’re often a part of your life for the long haul. Still, it’s important to nourish and strengthen these relationships so they can blossom to their fullest potential. Here are some ways you can do exactly that:

“Having a tenured friend is like having a great narrator. An honest observer, a champion, and an unwavering support in your life,” Chedd says. “If you’re lucky enough to have such a friend, savor it. Appreciate it. Care for it. Never take it for granted. There is nothing like it.”

How and Why You Should Maintain Friendships

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Degges‐White, S., & Kepic, M. (2020).Friendships, subjective age, and life satisfaction of women in midlife.Adultspan Journal,19(1), 39–53. doi:10.1002/adsp.12086Hill EM, Griffiths FE, House T.Spreading of healthy mood in adolescent social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2015;282(1813):20151180. doi:10.1098/rspb.2015.1180Harvard Medical School.The health benefits of strong relationships.Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D.Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015;10(2):227-237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Degges‐White, S., & Kepic, M. (2020).Friendships, subjective age, and life satisfaction of women in midlife.Adultspan Journal,19(1), 39–53. doi:10.1002/adsp.12086Hill EM, Griffiths FE, House T.Spreading of healthy mood in adolescent social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2015;282(1813):20151180. doi:10.1098/rspb.2015.1180Harvard Medical School.The health benefits of strong relationships.Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D.Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015;10(2):227-237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Degges‐White, S., & Kepic, M. (2020).Friendships, subjective age, and life satisfaction of women in midlife.Adultspan Journal,19(1), 39–53. doi:10.1002/adsp.12086Hill EM, Griffiths FE, House T.Spreading of healthy mood in adolescent social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2015;282(1813):20151180. doi:10.1098/rspb.2015.1180Harvard Medical School.The health benefits of strong relationships.Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D.Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015;10(2):227-237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352

Degges‐White, S., & Kepic, M. (2020).Friendships, subjective age, and life satisfaction of women in midlife.Adultspan Journal,19(1), 39–53. doi:10.1002/adsp.12086

Hill EM, Griffiths FE, House T.Spreading of healthy mood in adolescent social networks.Proc Biol Sci. 2015;282(1813):20151180. doi:10.1098/rspb.2015.1180

Harvard Medical School.The health benefits of strong relationships.

Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Baker M, Harris T, Stephenson D.Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2015;10(2):227-237. doi:10.1177/1745691614568352

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