5 Signs Dating a Single Parent Isn't Right for You

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsYou’re Jealous of the KidsYou’re Looking for SpontaneityYou Resent Biting Your Tongue About Parenting IssuesYou Want to Control TimingYou Don’t Like Kids—or These Specific Kids

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

You’re Jealous of the Kids

You’re Looking for Spontaneity

You Resent Biting Your Tongue About Parenting Issues

You Want to Control Timing

You Don’t Like Kids—or These Specific Kids

Close

If you are getting back into the dating scene, you might be wondering, “Should I date a single mom?” or “Is dating someone with kids right for me?” Dating a single parent isn’t suitable for everyone, and it isn’t something to enter into lightly.

No matter how much chemistry you share or how much you both value your relationship, there will be times when the kids interrupt, take precedence over your relationship, and require the devoted attention of their parent.

You’ll plan a special outing and—boom—someone gets sick. Or you’ll have a long day and just want to unwind, only to find the kids ramped up and rowdy. Dating someone with kids has its perks, but it also has its challenges, which require careful consideration, especially for first-timers.

At a Glance

Only you can truly know if you’re up for dating a single parent and all that comes with the relationship. While there are a million bonuses that come with dating into a family, there are some challenges that can be hard to overcome—especially if this is your first experience with a single parent or you’re personally not ready for kids.

Here are several indicators that dating a single parent might not be a good fit for you right now.

Let’s face it: No one really likes sharing their partner with someone else. For most of us, jealousy is in our nature. But when you’redating a single parent, being jealous of the kids will get you nowhere. (Well, that’s not quite true; it may get you sent out the door—quickly!)

While there aren’t many dating issues that are black-and-white, this is one of them. If you’re competitive with the kids, you’re setting your relationship up for failure.

It’s also important to be aware that whendating a single mom, her kids might actually be jealous of you.Thinking of how you’ll manage these complex feelings (both theirs and your own) is important when deciding if dating a single parent is right for you.

Being jealous puts the parent in the middle and isn’t healthy for the kids, which leads to more tension than most relationships can handle.

How to Handle It

When you experience jealousy, stop and acknowledge the emotion. If you think the issue is worth bringing up after giving it some thought, find some time when the two of you can talk about it alone. Come clean about how you’re feeling and discuss what you value in your relationship.

Then, explore how you might be able to let go of the jealousy. For example, it might help to make it a point to share little reminders of how much you each value your relationship in the hectic mix of your everyday lives.

In reality, spontaneity looks different when children are a part of the mix. Childcare, including the schedule and needs of the kids, will always be a top priority.

If spontaneity is an absolute must, then you may not do well dating a single parent. But if you are willing to be more flexible, then there are ways to bring a bit more of the unexpected into your relationship.

Plan out times when you can be more spontaneous, such as when the kids are with their other parent. You might also help arrange child-care ahead of time so that you can take your partner out on fun dates.

Especially early on, you should anticipate biting your tongue a lot. It’s important to respect that there are many ways to parent—and that your partner is the child’s parent. It’s easy to come in from the outside and judge another person’s parenting choices, but it’s unlikely to be welcomed.

Yourunsolicited advicewill be particularly unwelcome if it isn’t communicated from a place of helpfulness, compassion, restraint, curiosity, and humor.

It’s also important to think about the fact that single moms often face considerable stigma and scrutiny. They are already getting plenty of “helpful advice” from many sources (including social media)—they don’t need you toadd to the pressure.

Your partner is the experienced parent. They’re probably not interested in having you step in and critique their parenting style or discipline tactics, particularly early on in a relationship.

It is worth considering if you see compatibility with your partner’s parenting approach, including yourparenting styles.

If you have significant concerns in this area, say about their approach to discipline, autonomy, or family dynamics, the partnership might not be the best fit for either of you—especially if you hope to have children of your own in the future.

Generally, it’s important to wait to be asked before sharing your opinion on parenting issues. (Unless, of course, you’re telling your partner that they’re doing a great job!)

Remember, too, that evennewly married coupleswho live with their stepchildren often hold off on disciplining one another’s kids until they’ve had sufficient time to earn the right to be a co-disciplinarian.

Some blended families use an approach callednacho parenting, where the step-parent leaves the task of disciplining a child to the biological parent.

When you’re dating a single parent, it’s ideal to respect their timing when it comes to introducing you to the kids and taking your relationship to the next level of merging your families. You might be ready to get to know the kids but the single parent has much more at stake when they invite you into their family.

The emotional well-being of the children, as well as facilitating an optimal relationship between you and the kids, are pressing concerns that the parent needs to weigh.

One issue many new couples argue about is how much physical affection to show in front of the kids. It can be downright hard to hold off on taking your partner’s hand or kissing them when and how you want. But it’s important to consider how this might make your partner (and the kids) feel.

If you can’t respect their judgment and comfort level on how much time to spend with the kids and what kinds of intimacy are OK in their presence, this relationship may not be right for you.

Respect and be patient with your partner’s timing. Pushing can make them feel caught in the middle between doing what’s right for the relationship and what’s right for the kids. That’s a position neither of you will want to be in for long.

If you just straight up don’t like kids (or your partner’s kids, in particular), this should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, you’d be surprised how many people (men and women alike) think they’ll get over it in time.

The problem is that they rediscover later that they never wanted to live with or help raise someone else’s children. A similar issue is wanting children of your own when your partner has expressed that theydon’t want more children.

These are big issues that come up fast when dating a single parent. If you love the parent but are only so-so on the kids, this relationship may beone to walk away from.

Becompassionateand honest with yourself—and your partner. Your feelings aren’t right or wrong. The key is to acknowledge how you feel about having kids (and these specific kids) in your life (in the present and future) and make decisions about your relationship with those feelings in mind.

If you’reuncertain about the child component, own up to it from the start and avoid investing your time and your heart in a relationship that will fail. While either of you could change your mind down the road, there’s no guarantee that you will.

At the very least, be honest about any misgivings you have about your partner’s children and your desire (or lack of desire) for children in the future.

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Nixon E, Greene S, Hogan DM.Negotiating relationships in single-mother households: Perspectives of children and mothers.Fam Relat. 2012;61(1):142-156. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00678.xDeJean SL, McGeorge CR, Carlson TS.Attitudes toward never-married single mothers and fathers: Does gender matter?.J Fem Fam Ther. 2012;24(2):121-138. doi:10.1080/08952833.2012.648121Kuppens S, Ceulemans E.Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept.J Child Fam Stud. 2019;28(1):168-181. doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1242-xAmerican Psychological Association.Making stepfamilies work.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Nixon E, Greene S, Hogan DM.Negotiating relationships in single-mother households: Perspectives of children and mothers.Fam Relat. 2012;61(1):142-156. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00678.xDeJean SL, McGeorge CR, Carlson TS.Attitudes toward never-married single mothers and fathers: Does gender matter?.J Fem Fam Ther. 2012;24(2):121-138. doi:10.1080/08952833.2012.648121Kuppens S, Ceulemans E.Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept.J Child Fam Stud. 2019;28(1):168-181. doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1242-xAmerican Psychological Association.Making stepfamilies work.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Nixon E, Greene S, Hogan DM.Negotiating relationships in single-mother households: Perspectives of children and mothers.Fam Relat. 2012;61(1):142-156. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00678.xDeJean SL, McGeorge CR, Carlson TS.Attitudes toward never-married single mothers and fathers: Does gender matter?.J Fem Fam Ther. 2012;24(2):121-138. doi:10.1080/08952833.2012.648121Kuppens S, Ceulemans E.Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept.J Child Fam Stud. 2019;28(1):168-181. doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1242-xAmerican Psychological Association.Making stepfamilies work.

Nixon E, Greene S, Hogan DM.Negotiating relationships in single-mother households: Perspectives of children and mothers.Fam Relat. 2012;61(1):142-156. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00678.x

DeJean SL, McGeorge CR, Carlson TS.Attitudes toward never-married single mothers and fathers: Does gender matter?.J Fem Fam Ther. 2012;24(2):121-138. doi:10.1080/08952833.2012.648121

Kuppens S, Ceulemans E.Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept.J Child Fam Stud. 2019;28(1):168-181. doi:10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x

American Psychological Association.Making stepfamilies work.

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?