Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsLiking vs. LovingColor Wheel ModelTriangular TheoryAttachment TheoryCompassionate vs. Passionate

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

Liking vs. Loving

Color Wheel Model

Triangular Theory

Attachment Theory

Compassionate vs. Passionate

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Why do peoplefall in love? And why are some forms of love long-lasting while others are so fleeting? Love is a basic human emotion, but understanding how and why it happens is not necessarily easy. Still, many have tried to learn more about this feel-good emotion.

Psychologists and researchers have proposed several different theories of love to explain how it forms as well as how it endures. Here are five of the major theories proposed to explain the psychology of love and otheremotional attachments.

In 1970, psychologist Zick Rubin proposed an explanation for thedifference between liking and loving.Sometimes we experience a great amount of appreciation and admiration for others. We enjoy spending time with a person and want to be around them. This is “liking,” according to Rubin, and doesn’t necessarily qualify as love.

Love is much deeper, more intense, and includes a strong desire for physical intimacy and contact. People who are “in like” enjoy each other’s company, while those who are “in love” care as much about the other person’s needs as they do their own.

Rubin believed that romantic love is made up of three elements:

Based on these elements, Rubin devised a questionnaire to assess a person’s attitudes toward others. He found that scales ranging from liking to loving provided support for his conception of love.

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The Color Wheel Model of Love

In his 1973 bookThe Colors of Love, psychologist John Lee provided another theory of love, which compared styles of love to thecolor wheel.Just as there are three primary colors, Lee suggested that there are also three primary styles of love:

Lee’s 6 Styles of Loving

Lee later proposed that just as the primary colors can be combined to create other colors, the three primary styles of love could also be combined to create secondary love styles. So, in 1977, Lee expanded the list of love styles.

The three new secondary love styles were:

Triangular Theory of Love

In 1986, psychologistRobert Sternbergproposed the triangular theory of love.Under this theory, love has three components:

Different combinations of these three components result in different types of love. For example, combining intimacy and commitment results in compassionate love while combining passion and intimacy leads to romantic love.

According toSternberg’s triangular theory, relationships built on two or more elements are more enduring than those based on a single component. Sternberg uses the termconsummate loveto describe combining intimacy, passion, and commitment. While this type of love is the strongest and most enduring, Sternberg suggests that it is also rare.

Attachment Theory of Love

The threestyles of adult attachmentare:

Hazan and Shaver also proposed that one’s experiences in love and attachment affect their beliefs, which affect their relationship outcomes. It is a cyclical process that can be okay for people with a more secure attachment style but could also create issues for someone who is avoidant or anxious/ambivalent in their relationships.

Compassionate vs. Passionate Love

Hatfield suggests that passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets one’s preconceived ideas of ideal love, and when one experiences heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. This love is transitory, according to Hatfield, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months.

Ideally, passionate love leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate love with intense passionate love, Hatfield believes that this is rare.

Summary

Many theories of love exist, hoping to provide insight into how love forms and evolves. Each one contributes to what we know about this emotion, providing several possible explanations for how love-based relationships begin, grow, and change.

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7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rubin Z.Measurement of romantic love.J Personal Social Psychol. 1970;16(2):265-273. doi:10.1037/h0029841Cramer K, Marcus J, Pomerleau C, Gillard K.Gender invariance in the Love Attitudes Scale based on Lee’s color theory of love.Test Psychomet Methodol App Psychol. 2015;22(3):403-413. doi:10.4473/TPM22.3.6Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Hazan C, Shaver P.Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.J Personal Social Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511Hatfield E.Passionate and compassionate love.The Psychology of Love.Earp BD, Wudarczyk OA, Foddy B, Savulescu J.Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?Philos Psychiatr Psychol. 2017;24(1):77–92. doi:10.1353/ppp.2017.0011Additional ReadingJin W, Xiang Y, Lei M.The deeper the love, the deeper the hate.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1940. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940Leonti M, Casu L.Ethnopharmacology of love.Front Pharmacol. 2018;9:567. doi:10.3389/fphar.2018.00567Oravecz Z, Muth C, Vandekerckhove J.Do people agree on what makes one feel loved? A cognitive psychometric approach to the consensus on felt love.PLoS One. 2016;11(4):e0152803. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0152803

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rubin Z.Measurement of romantic love.J Personal Social Psychol. 1970;16(2):265-273. doi:10.1037/h0029841Cramer K, Marcus J, Pomerleau C, Gillard K.Gender invariance in the Love Attitudes Scale based on Lee’s color theory of love.Test Psychomet Methodol App Psychol. 2015;22(3):403-413. doi:10.4473/TPM22.3.6Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Hazan C, Shaver P.Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.J Personal Social Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511Hatfield E.Passionate and compassionate love.The Psychology of Love.Earp BD, Wudarczyk OA, Foddy B, Savulescu J.Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?Philos Psychiatr Psychol. 2017;24(1):77–92. doi:10.1353/ppp.2017.0011Additional ReadingJin W, Xiang Y, Lei M.The deeper the love, the deeper the hate.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1940. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940Leonti M, Casu L.Ethnopharmacology of love.Front Pharmacol. 2018;9:567. doi:10.3389/fphar.2018.00567Oravecz Z, Muth C, Vandekerckhove J.Do people agree on what makes one feel loved? A cognitive psychometric approach to the consensus on felt love.PLoS One. 2016;11(4):e0152803. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0152803

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Rubin Z.Measurement of romantic love.J Personal Social Psychol. 1970;16(2):265-273. doi:10.1037/h0029841Cramer K, Marcus J, Pomerleau C, Gillard K.Gender invariance in the Love Attitudes Scale based on Lee’s color theory of love.Test Psychomet Methodol App Psychol. 2015;22(3):403-413. doi:10.4473/TPM22.3.6Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Hazan C, Shaver P.Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.J Personal Social Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511Hatfield E.Passionate and compassionate love.The Psychology of Love.Earp BD, Wudarczyk OA, Foddy B, Savulescu J.Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?Philos Psychiatr Psychol. 2017;24(1):77–92. doi:10.1353/ppp.2017.0011

Rubin Z.Measurement of romantic love.J Personal Social Psychol. 1970;16(2):265-273. doi:10.1037/h0029841

Cramer K, Marcus J, Pomerleau C, Gillard K.Gender invariance in the Love Attitudes Scale based on Lee’s color theory of love.Test Psychomet Methodol App Psychol. 2015;22(3):403-413. doi:10.4473/TPM22.3.6

Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087

Hazan C, Shaver P.Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process.J Personal Social Psychol. 1987;52(3):511-524. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.3.511

Hatfield E.Passionate and compassionate love.The Psychology of Love.

Earp BD, Wudarczyk OA, Foddy B, Savulescu J.Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?Philos Psychiatr Psychol. 2017;24(1):77–92. doi:10.1353/ppp.2017.0011

Jin W, Xiang Y, Lei M.The deeper the love, the deeper the hate.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1940. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940Leonti M, Casu L.Ethnopharmacology of love.Front Pharmacol. 2018;9:567. doi:10.3389/fphar.2018.00567Oravecz Z, Muth C, Vandekerckhove J.Do people agree on what makes one feel loved? A cognitive psychometric approach to the consensus on felt love.PLoS One. 2016;11(4):e0152803. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0152803

Jin W, Xiang Y, Lei M.The deeper the love, the deeper the hate.Front Psychol. 2017;8:1940. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01940

Leonti M, Casu L.Ethnopharmacology of love.Front Pharmacol. 2018;9:567. doi:10.3389/fphar.2018.00567

Oravecz Z, Muth C, Vandekerckhove J.Do people agree on what makes one feel loved? A cognitive psychometric approach to the consensus on felt love.PLoS One. 2016;11(4):e0152803. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0152803

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