There are many different perspectives on what constitutes humor, from deadpan to slapstick to insult, there tends to be a lot of variability in how people express their humor. Where do you draw the line between “just joking” and offensive humor? That’s up for each person to decide, but if you have found someone’s jokes distasteful here are some tips how to confront someone whose humor you consider offensive.

Step One: Do A Self-Check In, How Are You Feeling?

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Step Two: Take Stock of Your Immediate Environment

It’s not easy to challenge someone’s offensive humor, no matter the situation or environment. But, understanding your environment when you choose to confront them, could be helpful in managing the situation altogether.Confronting someone often feels like an isolating experience. After all, it takes a lot of bravery to confront someone’s offensive humor. When you’re about to state your case, take a beat to consider your environment. Does it generally feel safe? Have those around all co-signed the joke or do they seem uncomfortable, too?Confronting a comedian in a crowded nightclub may be more difficult than at a family gathering with an inappropriate relative. And while there is no hard-and-fast rule about environments in which you should, or shouldn’t, confront someone, taking stock of your environment might give you some helpful insight on what you might expect for a response. It’s another data point to consider as you decide what you want your confrontation to look like.

Step 3: Consider The Relationship

When you think of confrontation in any instance, first and foremost, it’s important to consider yourrelationshipwith the person you’ll be confronting. While there are similarly no well-established rules about who you should confront and when, it is important to consider your relationship with the person and the implications of your history and future together.

Close friends

Strangers and acquaintances

Addressing complete strangers is a completely different situation, as you have no data as to how they might react. In those instances, it’s even more important to consider safety in your confrontation.

Step Four: Consider Your Safety

In any case where you intervene, it’s important to consider the aspect of safety. After all, you never know how someone might respond to your compliant. Hopefully, in most cases, you likely only have to be aware of your emotional capacity and safety in the moment. But sometimes there can be long-term implications of confronting someone, especially in our troll-filled digital age.You may want to ask yourself, “will the person I’m confronting take this in stride or what will I do if they react poorly? Am I ready for that potential outcome?” Of course, you may not always have a well-conceived plan should things go awry (it’s also OK to be spontaneous in your reactions l), but it is worth considering your own — as well as the other person’s mental state — when you confront them.

Physical safety

Unfortunately, we must also consider physical safety when we confront someone. Some people can be defensive when confronted, and being challenged about theway we communicatecan be a hard pill to swallow, especially in our current socio-political climate. If you choose to confront someone on their inappropriate jokes, take into account their current mental state (do they seem generally well balanced and calm? Are they sober?) as well as your history with them and the history of their behavior.If a person has a history of explosive reactions when angry or challenged then it may be best to wait to confront them about their offensive humor, or to forego the challenge altogether. If they are known for their responsive demeanor then chances are your challenge will go fairly well. It’s widely accepted in the psychological community that past behavior is a relatively accurate predictor of future behavior. Take advantage of this principle. And if this person, or their history, is relatively unknown to you then it’s best to exercise caution.Asserting yourself is never an easy task and it takes a lot of courage and effort to be vulnerable enough to challenge someone’s offensive jokes. Hopefully, these considerations help you feel more prepared the next time you’re faced with offensive humor.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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