Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsFor Romantic InterestsFor FriendsFor New People

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For Romantic Interests

For Friends

For New People

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Envision this:You’re eager to get to know someone better, perhaps romantically or maybe platonically as a friend or even a member of your family. They spend time with you and while you always enjoy your time together, you can’t seem to have a deep,vulnerableconversation beyond superficial subjects. Whenever you try to, your attempts are deflected or, worse, it ends up with you sharing intimate insights that aren’t reciprocated.

There’s an art to vulnerable conversation, and you may need to approach it in a different way.Vulnerabilityis best approached as a reciprocal act—so be prepared to be just as vulnerable as the person you’re hoping will open up to you.

With this in mind, we’re sharing these therapist-approved conversation starters—I’m atherapistmyself and love supporting folks in building deeper relationships. Read on, try them out, and let the connections flow.

10 Questions for Vulnerable Conversations With Romantic Interests

We don’t recommend getting too deep too quickly, so it’s probably best not to break these out on a first date. Once things start moving forward with a potential long-term partner, however, these questions can help encourage them to open up, become more vulnerable, and share information that will help you get to know them better and may help you learn more about your compatibility.

Remember, you’ll likely have to answer these questions too, so be prepared to reciprocate when the other person opens up.

10 Questions to Invite a Friend to Open Up To You

You may have some ride-or-die friends since childhood, but sometimes we take those relationships for granted and may miss out on opportunities to connect on a deeper level. These questions will help you feel even closer to your best friends:

10 Questions to Connect With New People in Your Life

You may want to hold off on getting too deep with new people right away. Once you’re comfortable and have built some trust and rapport, when it feels like a good time to build a deeper connection with someone—whether it is a new friend or new romantic interest—these questions can help:

Something to Keep in Mind

A 2022 study shows that vulnerable conversation about topics even as deep as loss can lead to increased closeness.However, there is a time and place for everything. Some relationships are a slow burn and it can take time for someone to open up. Respect their pace and don’t force anything. Expecting vulnerable shares without atrustingrelationship isn’t realistic and it is important to build trust and rapport before delving into more sensitive and personal topics.

Before asking one of the above questions, ensure it feels like a comfortable environment to do so. For example, you might not ask someone a deeply personal question in front of strangers or if it is your first time meeting because it could make them very uncomfortable and unwilling to open up in the future. Being mindful of how you use these questions is key to developingdeeper, more vulnerable relationships.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomas P.Health is wisely sharing vulnerability.London J Prim Care. 2016;8(3):33-34. doi: 10.1080/17571472.2016.1193590Margolin G, Daspe MÈ, Timmons AC, et al.What happens when romantic couples discuss personal loss? Relational, emotional, and physiological impacts.J Fam Psychol. 2022;36(6):863-873. doi: 10.1037/fam0000979

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Thomas P.Health is wisely sharing vulnerability.London J Prim Care. 2016;8(3):33-34. doi: 10.1080/17571472.2016.1193590Margolin G, Daspe MÈ, Timmons AC, et al.What happens when romantic couples discuss personal loss? Relational, emotional, and physiological impacts.J Fam Psychol. 2022;36(6):863-873. doi: 10.1037/fam0000979

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Thomas P.Health is wisely sharing vulnerability.London J Prim Care. 2016;8(3):33-34. doi: 10.1080/17571472.2016.1193590Margolin G, Daspe MÈ, Timmons AC, et al.What happens when romantic couples discuss personal loss? Relational, emotional, and physiological impacts.J Fam Psychol. 2022;36(6):863-873. doi: 10.1037/fam0000979

Thomas P.Health is wisely sharing vulnerability.London J Prim Care. 2016;8(3):33-34. doi: 10.1080/17571472.2016.1193590

Margolin G, Daspe MÈ, Timmons AC, et al.What happens when romantic couples discuss personal loss? Relational, emotional, and physiological impacts.J Fam Psychol. 2022;36(6):863-873. doi: 10.1037/fam0000979

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