Have you ever had a friend who becomes a chameleon anytime they are dating someone new? Maybe it happens overnight, or maybe you’ve watched them slowly fade away throughout a long-term partnership. Maybe it’s you.Losing yourself in a relationship often happens before we even realize what’s taking place. One day you’re you, and the next you’re staring in the mirror, barely able to recognize the shadow of yourself you’ve become.Sometimes it takes a trusted friend or counselor to help us see these changes from an objective, caring perspective. Other times, it dawns suddenly on a person: they don’trecognize themselves anymore.

Why Do We Become Codependent?

Many relationships will go through anintense infatuation period early on. At this stage, it’s normal and even healthy to want to spend as much time together as possible. Eventually, the honeymoon phase transitions into the rhythm of regular life and partners begin to re-balance their lives. Practicing healthy boundaries allows the two people to make time for their new relationship while still managing to socialize with friends, stay on top of work, and spend time with family.For some people, the latter part of that process is harder to accomplish and can lead to the behavioral condition called codependency. This can happen in response to negative experiences in past relationships, being raised in a dysfunctional family,dating a narcissist, or even loving someone with anaddiction.Those whostruggle with codependencymight find themselves:

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Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Couples Therapy Online

Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Learn more

Not everyone will experience such extremes, but plenty of us get swept up in the rush of a new romance. For many, the slippery slope begins with a well-intentioned desire to see the other person happy. In our own desire to be liked, we present ourselves as agreeable, relaxed, and just generally up for whatever the other person wants to do. It’s easy to fall trap to dismissing our own feelings, telling ourselves: “I’m being too sensitive,” or “Some things are not worth fighting about.” Instead, we want to soak up as much time as possible with the other person. And in that haze of warm fuzzies, it’s easy to lose sight of our own interests, friends, and values.

3 Ways to Avoid Losing Yourself in a Relationship

You may grieve this loss or feel like the walls are closing in as your social circle becomes smaller, you neglect your hobbies and creative outlets, and your alone time disappears. If this sounds familiar, here are three ways to maintain a healthy partnership going forward.

1. Spend time apart

It is great to participate in your partner’s activities — we want them to take an interest in ours, too! But it is good to remember we don’t have to invest 100 percent in each other’s activities at the cost of our own. Make sure that showing your enthusiasm for learning about the other person’s interests doesn’t come at the price of forfeiting your own. There are plenty of ways to have your own passions while sharing them with another. If your partner plays on a recreational soccer team, but you’re not into running up and down a field while chasing a ball, that’s OK! Show up on game days to cheer them on, and use that free night to dig into your own interests.If you’ve been swept up in a relationship and are worried that your friends have moved on without you, reach out anyway. You might be surprised. The reality is that many people have struggled to find balance in a relationship at some point in their lives. This could be the very thing you reconnect over. Good friends will welcome you back, and while it might take time to mend the fences, you’ll likely find that they are the perfect guide for helping you find yourself again. Plus, they’ll probably have some great ideas for how to spend that free night once a week.

2. Get to know yourself

3. Develop strong boundaries

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