Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy You Want to Get Back With Your ExTo Rekindle or To Not RekindleAsk Yourself These Qs Before Getting Back With an ExAsk Your Ex These Qs Before Getting Back Together

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why You Want to Get Back With Your Ex

To Rekindle or To Not Rekindle

Ask Yourself These Qs Before Getting Back With an Ex

Ask Your Ex These Qs Before Getting Back Together

Close

Whether they were good for us, bad for us, or a mixed bag, exes conjure up a sense of deep familiarity and comfort that’swaytoo easy to long forpost-breakup. In some cases, it might make perfect sense to get back with your ex, especially if the timing feels better. You’ve both grown, feel aligned, and deeply love and respect each other.

9 Tips to Help You and Your Partner Reconnect After a Relationship Break

Why Getting Back With Your Ex Is So Tempting

We want to get back with our ex for many reasons. Sometimes we miss what once was—AKA the familiarity of attachment—and easily forget why we cut ties in the first place.

Then there’s the fear of the unknown, saysDené Logan, MFT, author ofSovereign Love. “Although falling in love with someone new can be a euphoric feeling, starting over with someone who doesn’t know your history, your embarrassing quirks, and family pain points can be incredibly vulnerable and can activate a fear of rejection,” she explains.

From Heartbreak to Healing: Navigating the 7 Stages of a Breakup

Is It a Good Idea to Get Back With Your Ex?

Generally speaking, getting back with an ex often isn’t the best idea.Especiallyif you separated due to misaligned life goals, growing apart, unhealthy patterns, orbetrayals and traumas. However, in some isolated situations, getting back with your ex actually can make some sense. In these cases, the timing is right, personal growth has happened on both ends, and there’s a mutual desire to go the distance.

“People have an incredible capacity to make changes,” says Matthew A. Solit, LMSW, executive clinical director atLifeStance Health. “Although there are certainly core values, personality traits, sense of identity, and other factors that are less likely to change, communication styles absolutely can. There are times when a breakup serves as a ‘wake-up call’ that can be a catalyst to change the maladaptive communication pattern.”

In these cases, both parties will need to complete thoughtful and conscientious work to ensure that the ‘second chance’ is successful.

People who are confident, comfortable, and accepting of being single often make the clearest decisions about who to be with. If you are not ready to be single, you may not be ready to be in a relationship.—MATTHEW A. SOLIT, LMSW

People who are confident, comfortable, and accepting of being single often make the clearest decisions about who to be with. If you are not ready to be single, you may not be ready to be in a relationship.

—MATTHEW A. SOLIT, LMSW

Signs You Shouldn’t

Signs You Should

What to Ask Yourself Before Getting Back With An Ex

Questions to Ask Your Ex Before Getting Together Again

Whether you decide to move forward together or continue your separate ways, honestly reflecting and communicating with intention will help you gain greater clarity and confidence. Only you can both know what is truly best for yourself, so take as much time as you need to make this decision.

I Still Love My Ex: What to Do If You Feel This Way

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Lee SL, Pearce E, Ajnakina O, et al.The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: A 12-year population-based cohort study.Lancet Psychiatry. 2021;8(1):48-57. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(20)30383-7

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