20 Worst Things to Say and Do to Someone With PTSD

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Impact of Insensitive Actions and StatementsThe 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone with PTSDThe 10 Worst Things to Do to Someone with PTSDUnderstanding Triggers and Avoiding ThemEffective Ways to Support Someone with PTSD

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

The Impact of Insensitive Actions and Statements

The 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone with PTSD

The 10 Worst Things to Do to Someone with PTSD

Understanding Triggers and Avoiding Them

Effective Ways to Support Someone with PTSD

When it comes to supporting someone withpost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), our intentions are usually in the right place, but sometimes what we say or do can unintentionally hurt ortriggerthem.

Sometimes, we put our foot in our mouth and say or do things that make a person with PTSD feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Sensitivity and awareness of both our words and actions are key. People with PTSD are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, low self-esteem, and even self-harm, so saying or doing the wrong things may have damaging effects to them.

Naturally, you might not know what’s right or wrong to say or do. But experts do! Which is why we asked a few therapists to share some of the most common mistakes to avoid—words or actions that you might not realize are hurtful or unhelpful.

Saying or doing something insensitive to someone with PTSD can have a detrimental impact on them, which might include:

It’s important to recognize the impact words can have on someone with PTSD and approach conversations with sensitivity, understanding, and respect, Cruz explains. Compassion is the key to creating an environment where the person feels safe and supported.

It’s important to recognize the impact words can have on someone with PTSD and approach conversations with sensitivity, understanding, and respect.—TATIANA RIVERA CRUZ, MSW, LCSW

It’s important to recognize the impact words can have on someone with PTSD and approach conversations with sensitivity, understanding, and respect.

—TATIANA RIVERA CRUZ, MSW, LCSW

Every person with PTSD is different. What might be acceptable to one person may be hurtful or harmful to another. Nevertheless, there are some common phrases to avoid, according to Cruz:

“Just get over it and move on.”

This comment dismisses theirtraumaand implies that their suffering is trivial or should be easily overcome. PTSD isn’t something one can simply move past—it takes time and people often need professional help.

“It could have been worse.”

“You’re overreacting.”

This undermines their emotional responses and suggests their feelings are exaggerated or unwarranted.

“Aren’t you over that yet?”

This question implies that there is a timeline for recovery (there’s not) and that they are taking too long.

“Why can’t you just be normal?”

Suggesting that they are abnormal in some way can exacerbate their feelings of alienation and isolation.

“You’re too sensitive, you need to be stronger.”

Labeling them as overlysensitivecan make the person feel weak or inadequate for experiencing PTSD.

“Others have been through worse and they’re fine.”

Comparing their experience to others’ traumas can invalidate their feelings and discourage them from seeking help.

“It happened a long time ago.”

Suggesting that time should have healed their wounds ignores the persistent nature of PTSD and the ongoing challenges they face.

“Stop dwelling on the past.”

This suggests they are choosing to focus on their trauma.

“I know how you feel.”

Unless you have experienced PTSD yourself, this can come off as insincere and dismissive of their unique experience.

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While words can be hurtful, actions can be equally damaging. Here are some things to avoid:

9 Healthy Coping Skills for PTSD

These are some strategies that can help you understand the person’striggersand avoid them:

How Trauma and PTSD Impact the Brain

These are some ways to support someone with PTSD, according to the experts:

How PTSD Is Treated

Takeaways

Supporting someone with PTSD requires mindful words and actions that promote healing rather than harm. Remember, the key to effective support lies in respecting their boundaries and offering them patience andcompassion. Your support can make a significant difference in their life.

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8 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Library of Medicine.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Lanius RA, Terpou BA, McKinnon MC.The sense of self in the aftermath of trauma: lessons from the default mode network in posttraumatic stress disorder.European Journal of Psychotraumatology. 2020;11(1):1807703.Palmer BW, Hussain MA, Lohr JB.Loneliness in post-traumatic stress disorder: A neglected factor in accelerated aging?J Ageing Longev. 2022 Dec;2(4):326-339. doi:10.3390/jal2040027Wang SK, Feng M, Fang Y, Lv L, Sun GL, Yang SL, Guo P, Cheng SF, Qian MC, Chen HX.Psychological trauma, posttraumatic stress disorder and trauma-related depression: A mini-review.World J Psychiatry.2023 Jun 19;13(6):331-339. doi:10.5498/wjp.v13.i6.331Flanagan JC, Korte KJ, Killeen TK, Back SE.Concurrent treatment of substance use and PTSD.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2016 Aug;18(8):70. doi:10.1007/s11920-016-0709-yFox V, Dalman C, Dal H, Hollander AC, Kirkbride JB, Pitman A.Suicide risk in people with post-traumatic stress disorder: A cohort study of 3.1 million people in Sweden.J Affect Disord. 2021 Jan 15;279:609-616. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2020.10.009National Institute of Mental Health.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Roelofs K.Freeze for action: Neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2017 Apr 19;372(1718):20160206. doi:10.1098/rstb.2016.0206

8 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Library of Medicine.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Lanius RA, Terpou BA, McKinnon MC.The sense of self in the aftermath of trauma: lessons from the default mode network in posttraumatic stress disorder.European Journal of Psychotraumatology. 2020;11(1):1807703.Palmer BW, Hussain MA, Lohr JB.Loneliness in post-traumatic stress disorder: A neglected factor in accelerated aging?J Ageing Longev. 2022 Dec;2(4):326-339. doi:10.3390/jal2040027Wang SK, Feng M, Fang Y, Lv L, Sun GL, Yang SL, Guo P, Cheng SF, Qian MC, Chen HX.Psychological trauma, posttraumatic stress disorder and trauma-related depression: A mini-review.World J Psychiatry.2023 Jun 19;13(6):331-339. doi:10.5498/wjp.v13.i6.331Flanagan JC, Korte KJ, Killeen TK, Back SE.Concurrent treatment of substance use and PTSD.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2016 Aug;18(8):70. doi:10.1007/s11920-016-0709-yFox V, Dalman C, Dal H, Hollander AC, Kirkbride JB, Pitman A.Suicide risk in people with post-traumatic stress disorder: A cohort study of 3.1 million people in Sweden.J Affect Disord. 2021 Jan 15;279:609-616. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2020.10.009National Institute of Mental Health.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Roelofs K.Freeze for action: Neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2017 Apr 19;372(1718):20160206. doi:10.1098/rstb.2016.0206

National Library of Medicine.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Lanius RA, Terpou BA, McKinnon MC.The sense of self in the aftermath of trauma: lessons from the default mode network in posttraumatic stress disorder.European Journal of Psychotraumatology. 2020;11(1):1807703.Palmer BW, Hussain MA, Lohr JB.Loneliness in post-traumatic stress disorder: A neglected factor in accelerated aging?J Ageing Longev. 2022 Dec;2(4):326-339. doi:10.3390/jal2040027Wang SK, Feng M, Fang Y, Lv L, Sun GL, Yang SL, Guo P, Cheng SF, Qian MC, Chen HX.Psychological trauma, posttraumatic stress disorder and trauma-related depression: A mini-review.World J Psychiatry.2023 Jun 19;13(6):331-339. doi:10.5498/wjp.v13.i6.331Flanagan JC, Korte KJ, Killeen TK, Back SE.Concurrent treatment of substance use and PTSD.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2016 Aug;18(8):70. doi:10.1007/s11920-016-0709-yFox V, Dalman C, Dal H, Hollander AC, Kirkbride JB, Pitman A.Suicide risk in people with post-traumatic stress disorder: A cohort study of 3.1 million people in Sweden.J Affect Disord. 2021 Jan 15;279:609-616. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2020.10.009National Institute of Mental Health.Post-traumatic stress disorder.Roelofs K.Freeze for action: Neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2017 Apr 19;372(1718):20160206. doi:10.1098/rstb.2016.0206

National Library of Medicine.Post-traumatic stress disorder.

Lanius RA, Terpou BA, McKinnon MC.The sense of self in the aftermath of trauma: lessons from the default mode network in posttraumatic stress disorder.European Journal of Psychotraumatology. 2020;11(1):1807703.

Palmer BW, Hussain MA, Lohr JB.Loneliness in post-traumatic stress disorder: A neglected factor in accelerated aging?J Ageing Longev. 2022 Dec;2(4):326-339. doi:10.3390/jal2040027

Wang SK, Feng M, Fang Y, Lv L, Sun GL, Yang SL, Guo P, Cheng SF, Qian MC, Chen HX.Psychological trauma, posttraumatic stress disorder and trauma-related depression: A mini-review.World J Psychiatry.2023 Jun 19;13(6):331-339. doi:10.5498/wjp.v13.i6.331

Flanagan JC, Korte KJ, Killeen TK, Back SE.Concurrent treatment of substance use and PTSD.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2016 Aug;18(8):70. doi:10.1007/s11920-016-0709-y

Fox V, Dalman C, Dal H, Hollander AC, Kirkbride JB, Pitman A.Suicide risk in people with post-traumatic stress disorder: A cohort study of 3.1 million people in Sweden.J Affect Disord. 2021 Jan 15;279:609-616. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2020.10.009

National Institute of Mental Health.Post-traumatic stress disorder.

Roelofs K.Freeze for action: Neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing.Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2017 Apr 19;372(1718):20160206. doi:10.1098/rstb.2016.0206

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What is your feedback?

“Just get over it and move on.”#

“It could have been worse.”#

“You’re overreacting.”#

“Aren’t you over that yet?”#

“Why can’t you just be normal?”#

“You’re too sensitive, you need to be stronger.”#

“Others have been through worse and they’re fine.”#

“It happened a long time ago.”#

“Stop dwelling on the past.”#

“I know how you feel.”#

Takeaways#