Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow to Spot a Vulnerable NarcissistCausesDealing With Vulnerable NarcissismOther Types of Narcissism

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

How to Spot a Vulnerable Narcissist

Causes

Dealing With Vulnerable Narcissism

Other Types of Narcissism

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People with this type of narcissism tend to be more vulnerable to rejection and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships. They may also become easily overwhelmed and have difficulty dealing with stress.

Vulnerable narcissism is also known as covert narcissism.

Dr. Jay Serle, LMFT, Ph.D., notes “A vulnerable narcissist describes someone who is hypersensitive to rejection and extremely self-conscious. They tend to be insecure, as well. They become angry or offended when not put on a pedestal. A person with vulnerable narcissism is highly sensitive to criticism. People with vulnerable narcissism often lack empathy. If they do show empathy it is used to build their own self-importance.”

While it is impossible to diagnose someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) without a professional evaluation, there are signs that may indicate you are dealing with a person with vulnerable narcissism.

Below are 12 signs of a vulnerable narcissist.

Difficulty Handling Criticism

People who suffer from narcissistic vulnerability often have difficulty accepting criticism, even when it is constructive. They may becomedefensiveor aggressive when faced with any kind of feedback.

Need for Constant Praise

Those who are vulnerable narcissists often require an excessive amount ofattention and validationfrom others in order to feel good about themselves. This need for excessiveexternal validationcan lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety if they don’t receive the attention they crave.

Unclear Sense of Self

People with narcissistic vulnerability often struggle to identify their own emotions and needs. This lack of clarity about their own identity can lead to feelings of confusion andemptinessthat can be difficult to overcome.

Manipulative Tendencies

Inability to Empathize

A common trait among vulnerable narcissists is an inability (or unwillingness) toput themselves in another person’s shoesand understand how their actions might affect someone else emotionally or mentally.

Difficulty Forming Relationships

Because vulnerable narcissists tend to focus too much on themselves, they often find it challenging to form meaningful connections with other people. This inability to connect with others can leave them feeling isolated,lonely, and misunderstood.

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Controlling Behavior

Individuals living with narcissistic vulnerability may try desperately hard to control every aspect of their lives, including other people’s lives. They may attempt tomicromanage everythingfrom conversations, and decisions, to activities.

Jealousy and Envy

Vulnerable narcissists often feeljealous or enviousof those around them. This can lead to negative comparisons and overly competitive behavior that may make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships.

Difficulty Trusting Others

Vulnerable narcissists often have troubletrusting people, even those that are closest to them. They may be suspicious of others’ motives, leading them to keep people at a distance to protect themselves from potential hurt. These feelings of mistrust can prevent them from forming meaningful connections with others.

Projecting Blame Onto Others

When things don’t go their way, those with narcissistic vulnerability may resort toblaming everyone elserather than looking within themselves for explanations as to why things didn’t turn out the way they wanted.

Poor Boundaries

Individuals with this vulnerability can havedifficulty setting healthy boundariesbetween themselves and other people. This inability leads them into situations where their needs are not taken into consideration or respected which can cause resentment and conflict over time.

Fear of Abandonment

People with this personality vulnerability may struggle with a deepfear of abandonment. They may cling to people too tightly or become overly possessive to prevent others from leaving them. This kind of behavior can be very damaging and hard to break out of without proper help.

Am I a Narcissist? Take the Test

Causes of Vulnerable Narcissism

Some cases of narcissistic vulnerability can be traced back to childhood maltreatment or neglect, however, the exact cause is not known. It is likely complex involving genetic and biological vulnerabilities along with parent child interactions that involve too much unrealistic adoration and not enough validation that match the child’s actual lived experience. Other childhood, environmental, and cultural contributions can also be involved.

This can lead to an increased focus on themselves and their own needs in adulthood as a way to try and make up for what they did not receive in childhood.

How to Deal With a Vulnerable Narcissist

It can be difficult to cope with someone who lives with narcissistic vulnerability, but it is not impossible. The key is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries while trying to empathize with the individual’s struggles.

“While fragile narcissists try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs, they are big fans of passive-aggressive put-downs, especially when they are feeling threatened. They’ll keep denying it if you call them out on it,” says Katie Adams, Qualified Trainer, Mental Health First Aid Trainer & Psychologist atSkills Training Group. “Those with NPD have a strong need for plausible deniability. It’s a vital weapon in their arsenal. Those who have serious problems will try to pick at your weak spots in a passive-aggressive way. You should not put up with such emotionally toxic behavior.”

Here are some other tips for dealing with a vulnerable narcissist in your life:

The Best Online Group Therapy, Tried and Tested

Can a Vulnerable Narcissist Love?

Yes, avulnerable narcissist can love, but it may be difficult for them to express their feelings in a healthy way. They may struggle with intimacy and intimacy-related issues such as trust and vulnerability due to their past experiences, but if they are willing to work on these things with a mental health professional, they can learn how to form meaningful connections with others.

Do Vulnerable Narcissists Have Empathy?

Yes, a vulnerable narcissist can have empathy, but they can often struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and be understanding of others' perspectives. Particularly when their sense of self-esteem feels threatened. But again, with the help of a therapist, they can work on developing their empathy.

Vulnerable Narcissism vs. Other Types of Narcissism

It’s important to note that vulnerable narcissism is different fromother types of narcissism, such as grandiose or malignant narcissism. While vulnerable narcissists may still feel a sense of entitlement and superiority, their behavior is usually not malicious as it would be with grandiose or malignant narcissism.

Vulnerable narcissists often struggle to take responsibility for their own actions and will instead blame others, but they may be more willing to get help given the emotional pain they can often experience.

With the appropriate help and motivation, those living with vulnerable narcissism can learn how to better identify their own needs while also respecting the needs of those around them so that all involved feel safe, heard, valued, and understood.

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We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Signs of Narcissistic Collapse and What to Do Next

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Miller JD, Lynam DR, Vize C, et al.Vulnerable Narcissism Is (Mostly) a Disorder of Neuroticism.J Pers. 2018;86(2):186-199. doi:10.1111/jopy.12303Skodol AE, Bender DS, Morey LC.Narcissistic personality disorder in DSM-5.Personal Disord. 2014;5(4):422-427. doi:10.1037/per0000023

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Miller JD, Lynam DR, Vize C, et al.Vulnerable Narcissism Is (Mostly) a Disorder of Neuroticism.J Pers. 2018;86(2):186-199. doi:10.1111/jopy.12303Skodol AE, Bender DS, Morey LC.Narcissistic personality disorder in DSM-5.Personal Disord. 2014;5(4):422-427. doi:10.1037/per0000023

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Miller JD, Lynam DR, Vize C, et al.Vulnerable Narcissism Is (Mostly) a Disorder of Neuroticism.J Pers. 2018;86(2):186-199. doi:10.1111/jopy.12303Skodol AE, Bender DS, Morey LC.Narcissistic personality disorder in DSM-5.Personal Disord. 2014;5(4):422-427. doi:10.1037/per0000023

Miller JD, Lynam DR, Vize C, et al.Vulnerable Narcissism Is (Mostly) a Disorder of Neuroticism.J Pers. 2018;86(2):186-199. doi:10.1111/jopy.12303

Skodol AE, Bender DS, Morey LC.Narcissistic personality disorder in DSM-5.Personal Disord. 2014;5(4):422-427. doi:10.1037/per0000023

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