Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsToo-FrequentExtremeOverly FamiliarUlterior MotiveBackhandedAwkwardDesperateCreepyGroupFlirty
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Too-Frequent
Extreme
Overly Familiar
Ulterior Motive
Backhanded
Awkward
Desperate
Creepy
Group
Flirty
Close
Complimentsare supposed to make you feel good, right? But they sometimes miss the mark, even when we are trying to be nice. We’ve all been there. Even a simple “You look great today!” can come across as backhanded (since it seems to imply that they typically don’t look good 😬).
Delivering a sincere, appropriate compliment can help others feel better and improve relationships. The first step is to figure out how to deliver praise that is meaningful, not mean.
At a GlanceBad compliments can come in many forms. Give them too often or in a way that seems extreme, and they seem insincere. Comment on something too personal, and you come off sounding like a creep. Then there are the compliments that come with an ulterior motive or that are designed to disguise negativity in a polite package. Learning how to identify the worst type of compliments can help you avoid these social faux pas. Here is a list of 10 types of compliments that you may want to avoid to improve yoursocial graces.
At a Glance
Bad compliments can come in many forms. Give them too often or in a way that seems extreme, and they seem insincere. Comment on something too personal, and you come off sounding like a creep. Then there are the compliments that come with an ulterior motive or that are designed to disguise negativity in a polite package. Learning how to identify the worst type of compliments can help you avoid these social faux pas. Here is a list of 10 types of compliments that you may want to avoid to improve yoursocial graces.
1. The Too-Frequent Compliment
While it’s great to be quick to offer compliments, if you give them too often to the same people (or in front of the same people), you may quickly be viewed as someone who does not take compliments too seriously.
We value what is in short supply, so give compliments sparingly. Others will appreciate and be flattered when they do receive words of praise from you.
2. The Extreme Compliment
Have you ever received a compliment that was disproportionate to the situation? Perhaps you were told your outfit was stunning when it was really just jeans and a T-shirt. When you get this kind of compliment, you’re often left wondering what the other person’s real intentions were. Were they really impressed, or were they being sarcastic?
Try to match the intensity of your compliment to how much you genuinely are impressed. Otherwise, people may question the sincerity of your praise or wonder if you have an ulterior motive.
Why Compliments Make You Cringe
3. The Overly Familiar Compliment
If you’ve just met someone, it is best to stick with compliments that aren’t too personal. Stay away from physical attributes that might make the other person uncomfortable—such as the color of a woman’s eyes or a man’s ripped abs under his t-shirt—unless you are in a situation where open flirting makes sense (such as at a singles bar).
When you don’t know someone well, choose tried-and-true compliments such as those about clothing, good deeds, or other less personal characteristics.
4. The Compliment With an Ulterior Motive
If you give compliments in the hopes of getting something in return, people will eventually catch on to the insincerity of your motivation.The only ulterior motive that you should have is to make the other person feel good—without expecting it to benefit you in any way.
5. The Backhanded Compliment
Have you ever been given a compliment that made you feel worse instead of better? The most typical form of this compliment goes something like this: “Nice hairdo! It looks a lot better than it used to.” In other words, the person has, in a subtle way, put down your previous hairstyle but cloaked it as a compliment, aka abackhanded compliment.
Realize that when you give thesetypes of compliments, you are not helping anyone. They are usually offered to make the giver feel good, and the receiver feels bad.
Instead of cutting other people down, work on building your self-confidence so that you can offer genuine words of praise.
6. The Awkward Compliment
Awkward compliments can come in all shapes and sizes. Some are those that are misconstrued, such as saying, “The way you play the piano doesn’t even compare to my ability,” when you actually mean that the other person is much better than you.
Be careful with your words, and think about how the other person will hear them.
If your compliment comes out the wrong way, always be sure to correct yourself. It’s better to look a bit foolish but make sure you are understood than to leave the other person thinking the wrong thing.
7. The Desperate Compliment
If you’ve targeted someone for your desperate compliments, try holding back a bit. You don’t need to praise others for them to value yourfriendship.
8. The Creepy Compliment
Creepy compliments overlap with too-familiar compliments in that they are usually overly personal in a situation that doesn’t warrant it.They are often given to strangers and may sometimes be failed attempts at flirting.
Generally, a creepy compliment concerns some aspect of the person you find attractive. Instead of being too forward with someone you don’t know, try giving a compliment to a friend of the person instead.
For example, say “I really admire how physically fit Mike is. He must work out a lot.” That compliment might make its way back to Mike on its own.
9. The Group Compliment
Group compliments are those given to someone in front of a group. While it is great to offer praise in some situations, always be aware of who else is present when extolling the virtues of someone else. For example, your best friend may not be too pleased if you compliment her recent weight loss in front of a group of strangers—unless it’s at the gym.
Take the context into account, and always consider the audience for your compliment.
10. The Flirty Compliment
Flirty compliments are fine in the dating scene, but they should never be used in casual conversation. Not only may the other person not welcome the “advance,” but if it is a stranger, you may find yourself flirting with someone who is attached. Save your flirty compliments for people you know well and who you believe want to know you better as well. Only when you are sure it is appropriate should you cross that line between compliment and flirtation.
Takeaways
How Do I Stop Saying Hurtful Things I Don’t Mean?
7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Zhang J.Compliments and compliment responses in Philippine English.GEMA Online Journal of Language Studies. 2013;13(1).Lamm H.Ingratiation attempts in real life: Determinants of their success.Psychology Reports. 2018;121(1):48-58. doi:10.1177/0033294117720697Gao Z, Gao S, Xu L, et al.Women prefer men who use metaphorical language when paying compliments in a romantic context.Sci Rep. 2017;7:40871. doi:10.1038/srep40871Sezer O, Prinsloo E, Brooks A, Norton MI.Backhanded compliments: How negative comparisons undermine flattery.SSRN. 2019. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3439774Young KS, Travis HP.Oral Communication: Skills, Choices, and Consequences.4th ed. Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press; 2017.Wade JA.(I think) you are pretty: a behavior analytic conceptualization of flirtation.Perspect Behav Sci. 2018;41(2):615-636. doi:10.1007/s40614-018-0136-yFujiwara S, Ishibashi R, Tanabe-Ishibashi A, Kawashima R, Sugiura M.Sincere praise and flattery: reward value and association with the praise-seeking trait.Front Hum Neurosci. 2023;17:985047. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2023.985047
7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Zhang J.Compliments and compliment responses in Philippine English.GEMA Online Journal of Language Studies. 2013;13(1).Lamm H.Ingratiation attempts in real life: Determinants of their success.Psychology Reports. 2018;121(1):48-58. doi:10.1177/0033294117720697Gao Z, Gao S, Xu L, et al.Women prefer men who use metaphorical language when paying compliments in a romantic context.Sci Rep. 2017;7:40871. doi:10.1038/srep40871Sezer O, Prinsloo E, Brooks A, Norton MI.Backhanded compliments: How negative comparisons undermine flattery.SSRN. 2019. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3439774Young KS, Travis HP.Oral Communication: Skills, Choices, and Consequences.4th ed. Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press; 2017.Wade JA.(I think) you are pretty: a behavior analytic conceptualization of flirtation.Perspect Behav Sci. 2018;41(2):615-636. doi:10.1007/s40614-018-0136-yFujiwara S, Ishibashi R, Tanabe-Ishibashi A, Kawashima R, Sugiura M.Sincere praise and flattery: reward value and association with the praise-seeking trait.Front Hum Neurosci. 2023;17:985047. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2023.985047
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Zhang J.Compliments and compliment responses in Philippine English.GEMA Online Journal of Language Studies. 2013;13(1).Lamm H.Ingratiation attempts in real life: Determinants of their success.Psychology Reports. 2018;121(1):48-58. doi:10.1177/0033294117720697Gao Z, Gao S, Xu L, et al.Women prefer men who use metaphorical language when paying compliments in a romantic context.Sci Rep. 2017;7:40871. doi:10.1038/srep40871Sezer O, Prinsloo E, Brooks A, Norton MI.Backhanded compliments: How negative comparisons undermine flattery.SSRN. 2019. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3439774Young KS, Travis HP.Oral Communication: Skills, Choices, and Consequences.4th ed. Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press; 2017.Wade JA.(I think) you are pretty: a behavior analytic conceptualization of flirtation.Perspect Behav Sci. 2018;41(2):615-636. doi:10.1007/s40614-018-0136-yFujiwara S, Ishibashi R, Tanabe-Ishibashi A, Kawashima R, Sugiura M.Sincere praise and flattery: reward value and association with the praise-seeking trait.Front Hum Neurosci. 2023;17:985047. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2023.985047
Zhang J.Compliments and compliment responses in Philippine English.GEMA Online Journal of Language Studies. 2013;13(1).
Lamm H.Ingratiation attempts in real life: Determinants of their success.Psychology Reports. 2018;121(1):48-58. doi:10.1177/0033294117720697
Gao Z, Gao S, Xu L, et al.Women prefer men who use metaphorical language when paying compliments in a romantic context.Sci Rep. 2017;7:40871. doi:10.1038/srep40871
Sezer O, Prinsloo E, Brooks A, Norton MI.Backhanded compliments: How negative comparisons undermine flattery.SSRN. 2019. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3439774
Young KS, Travis HP.Oral Communication: Skills, Choices, and Consequences.4th ed. Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press; 2017.
Wade JA.(I think) you are pretty: a behavior analytic conceptualization of flirtation.Perspect Behav Sci. 2018;41(2):615-636. doi:10.1007/s40614-018-0136-y
Fujiwara S, Ishibashi R, Tanabe-Ishibashi A, Kawashima R, Sugiura M.Sincere praise and flattery: reward value and association with the praise-seeking trait.Front Hum Neurosci. 2023;17:985047. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2023.985047
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