10 Ways to Strengthen a Marriage and Avoid Divorce

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCommit to Your RelationshipForgive QuicklyHonor and Respect Your PartnerCommunicate RegularlyShare Financial ExpectationsGive Each Other SpaceWork on WellnessHave Date NightsDon’t Try to Control Your PartnerFind Help

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Commit to Your Relationship

Forgive Quickly

Honor and Respect Your Partner

Communicate Regularly

Share Financial Expectations

Give Each Other Space

Work on Wellness

Have Date Nights

Don’t Try to Control Your Partner

Find Help

Close

Marriage takes work, and it isn’t always easy. It takes effort to protect, nurture, and grow a marriage. Between work schedules, children, and other obligations, sometimes it can seem impossible to maintain that partnership.

When problems arise, some couples find it healthier todivorceand go their separate ways.For others, it’s a better choice to work on the relationship.

At a GlanceIf you need help for your marriage and want to build a healthier relationship that can withstand the test of time, there are proactive measures you can take to make your marriage stronger. Commitment, forgiveness, respect, communication, and understanding are vital. From improving communication to infusing more romance into day-to-day life, here are ten ways to improve your partnership.

At a Glance

If you need help for your marriage and want to build a healthier relationship that can withstand the test of time, there are proactive measures you can take to make your marriage stronger. Commitment, forgiveness, respect, communication, and understanding are vital. From improving communication to infusing more romance into day-to-day life, here are ten ways to improve your partnership.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

When times get tough, it isn’t uncommon for people to start thinking that the grass might be greener on the other side. However, toying with the idea that you might be better off outside of your marriage can put a major strain on your relationship—even if you never voice those thoughts.

Ruminating about what your life might be like outside of your marriage can make it harder to commit to your relationship. It can also leave you feeling less motivated to try to improve your marriage.

To combat the risk to your relationship, decide ahead of time thatdivorce is not an option. Making the commitment will help you focus on making your partnership stronger rather than thinking about what life might be like outside your marriage.

Marriages often begin to fall apart when one person is holding a grudge. Research has shown that feelingcontempt toward your partneralmost always festers and can lead to divorce if it’s never resolved.

“Forgiving is one of the most important and also one of the most difficult things for couples to do,” saysAura De Los Santos, a clinical and educational psychologist at NCHC.

Aura De Los Santos, clinical and educational psychologistWhen couples forgive each other, they can move forward because forgiveness is a window that allows them to look to the future and not get stuck in the situations that caused them pain.

Aura De Los Santos, clinical and educational psychologist

When couples forgive each other, they can move forward because forgiveness is a window that allows them to look to the future and not get stuck in the situations that caused them pain.

Try to forgive your partner as quickly as possible. Remember thatforgivenessis just as much a gift you give yourself. Holding a grudge takes up mental and emotional space and almost always impacts your health and stress levels.

Be Willing to ApologizeIf you have wronged your partner,sincerely apologizeand ask for their forgiveness. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand why they are upset. Let them know you will work on how to do things differently in the future.

Be Willing to Apologize

If you have wronged your partner,sincerely apologizeand ask for their forgiveness. Listen to what they have to say and try to understand why they are upset. Let them know you will work on how to do things differently in the future.

It also helps to vocalize how much you appreciate your partner’s quirks and eccentricities.

Let your partner know every day—through compliments or thank-yous—that you appreciate all that they do.

These little expressions are like deposits in the bank. You don’t want to make withdrawals from your marriage without ever making any deposits. So, be sure you are doing things that honor your partner for who they are.

In the age of smartphones, Netflix, and work-from-home lifestyles, it’s easy to get distracted. You might find that you often go days without having a real conversation with your spouse.

Constant communication allows couples to express their feelings and not hold grudges. Many times, grudges originate because one of the parties feels that their partner does not listen to them and minimizes their feelings.—AURA DE LOS SANTOS, CLINICAL AND EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Constant communication allows couples to express their feelings and not hold grudges. Many times, grudges originate because one of the parties feels that their partner does not listen to them and minimizes their feelings.

—AURA DE LOS SANTOS, CLINICAL AND EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Communicatingopenly about your life, interests, dreams, frustrations, andfeelingsis an important way tofoster intimacyin a relationship.

It’s also crucial that you also listen to your partner voice their thoughts. It can be helpful to set aside 30 minutes each day—free from interruptions or distractions—where you can talk.

Many marriages are fraught with disagreements overfinances.Couples often bring different expectations about money to a relationship. Each partner can find it difficult to see the financial situation from the other person’s perspective.

Agreeing about how your money will be handled is a critical component of a successful marriage. Agree on a budget, an approach to debt, and make a plan to live within your limits.

It’s also important to differentiate between needs and wants. While both are legitimate, couples can face problems if they try to fulfill all their wants without considering their budget.

Incorporate some flexibility in your budget to allow for entertainment, gifts, vacations, and other activities that will strengthen your marriage.

One of the hardest things to balance in a marriage is the right amount of time to spend together. Too much can feel like smothering, while too little can be interpreted as inattentive.

The key is that you both make a concerted effort to spend quality time together while allowing each other the space to have an outside community.

It’s easy to get into a routine of being overly casual, especially if you’ve been with your partner for many years. An easy way to rekindle romance is to think back to those early days of dating—preparing for date night with an at-home manicure, getting a fresh shave and haircut, or choosing a fun outfit.

There are plenty of ways to feel attractive and energized. Keeping up with yourphysical fitnessboosts your confidence and sense of well-being.

This can also double as a way to spend time with your partner— whether you’re trying a new workout class, training for a 5K, or prepping healthy meals together.

Another way to keep the flame burning in a marriage is to continue courting your spouse.Make time for a date night every week—even to get ice cream or cook a new recipe together.

De Los Santos says that quality time together is essential. “Quality time means taking time for the couple to go out and share. This helps to combat monotony, allows people to get to know each other better, and enjoy more as a couple,” she explains.

Continue doing the things you did when you were dating. Small, thoughtful gestures can help couplesfeel like newlyweds. Try leaving your partner little love notes where they will find them, make them coffee in the morning, or buy their favorite snack at the grocery store.

In healthy marriages, both partners have mutual respect for one another and don’t demand their own way. This can mean different things to different couples, but here are some core tenants to keep in mind:

Partners who attempt to control one another risk becomingemotionally abusive. They might display signs offinancial abuse—which frequentlyleads to divorce.

If you’re still having challenges in your marriage or fear that divorce might be imminent, considercounselingorcouples therapy.This can be a helpful way to work through problems you might have and develop new skills that will strengthen your marriage.

“Seeing a psychologist can help them resolve conflicts effectively, get to know each other better, and set new goals as a married couple,” De Los Santos says.

If you aren’t sure where to look, ask your primary care provider for a referral to a qualified professional in your area.

You can also check with your workplace. See if you (or your partner) have access to an employee assistance program (EAP), which can often direct you to initial help or provide a referral.

If you and your partner share faith, your might also consider meeting with a trusted religious leader.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

How Marriage Counseling Can Save Your Relationship, According to Therapists

Summary

Navigating issues in a marriage can be challenging. To persevere in the relationship and prevent divorce, both partners need to commit to doing the work and putting in time and effort. While the goal is to save the relationship, you will ultimately have to decide ifstaying togetheris the right choice for both of you.

If you and your partner need more help, consider working with a marriage counselor or a religious leader if you share the same faith. These individuals can help you get a new perspective and can point you toward additional services if needed.

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11 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ.Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025Nemati M, Behmanesh F, Kheirkhah F, Geraili Z, Pasha H.Marital commitment and mental health in different patterns of mate selection: A comparison of modern, mixed, and traditional patterns.Iran J Psychiatry. 2022;17(4):418-427. doi:10.18502/ijps.v17i4.10691Schriber RA, Chung JM, Sorensen KS, Robins RW.Dispositional contempt: A first look at the contemptuous person.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;113(2):280-309. doi:10.1037/pspp0000101Lichtenfeld S, Maier MA, Buechner VL, Fernández capo M.The influence of decisional and emotional forgiveness on attributions.Front Psychol. 2019;10:1425. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425Bloch L, Haase CM, Levenson RW.Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: more than a wives' tale.Emotion. 2014;14(1):130-44. doi:10.1037/a0034272Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN.Does couples' communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301Ryu S, Fan L.The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress among U.S. adults.J Fam Econ Issues. 2023;44(1):16-33. doi:10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9Lampis J, Cataudella S, Agus M, Busonera A, Skowron EA.Differentiation of self and dyadic adjustment in couple relationships: A dyadic analysis using the actor-partner interdependence model.Fam Process. 2019;58(3):698-715. doi:10.1111/famp.12370Zamani sani SH, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al.Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2016;12:2617-2625. doi:10.2147/NDT.S116811Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: Work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N.The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting.Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098

11 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ.Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025Nemati M, Behmanesh F, Kheirkhah F, Geraili Z, Pasha H.Marital commitment and mental health in different patterns of mate selection: A comparison of modern, mixed, and traditional patterns.Iran J Psychiatry. 2022;17(4):418-427. doi:10.18502/ijps.v17i4.10691Schriber RA, Chung JM, Sorensen KS, Robins RW.Dispositional contempt: A first look at the contemptuous person.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;113(2):280-309. doi:10.1037/pspp0000101Lichtenfeld S, Maier MA, Buechner VL, Fernández capo M.The influence of decisional and emotional forgiveness on attributions.Front Psychol. 2019;10:1425. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425Bloch L, Haase CM, Levenson RW.Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: more than a wives' tale.Emotion. 2014;14(1):130-44. doi:10.1037/a0034272Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN.Does couples' communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301Ryu S, Fan L.The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress among U.S. adults.J Fam Econ Issues. 2023;44(1):16-33. doi:10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9Lampis J, Cataudella S, Agus M, Busonera A, Skowron EA.Differentiation of self and dyadic adjustment in couple relationships: A dyadic analysis using the actor-partner interdependence model.Fam Process. 2019;58(3):698-715. doi:10.1111/famp.12370Zamani sani SH, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al.Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2016;12:2617-2625. doi:10.2147/NDT.S116811Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: Work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N.The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting.Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ.Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025Nemati M, Behmanesh F, Kheirkhah F, Geraili Z, Pasha H.Marital commitment and mental health in different patterns of mate selection: A comparison of modern, mixed, and traditional patterns.Iran J Psychiatry. 2022;17(4):418-427. doi:10.18502/ijps.v17i4.10691Schriber RA, Chung JM, Sorensen KS, Robins RW.Dispositional contempt: A first look at the contemptuous person.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;113(2):280-309. doi:10.1037/pspp0000101Lichtenfeld S, Maier MA, Buechner VL, Fernández capo M.The influence of decisional and emotional forgiveness on attributions.Front Psychol. 2019;10:1425. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425Bloch L, Haase CM, Levenson RW.Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: more than a wives' tale.Emotion. 2014;14(1):130-44. doi:10.1037/a0034272Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN.Does couples' communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301Ryu S, Fan L.The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress among U.S. adults.J Fam Econ Issues. 2023;44(1):16-33. doi:10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9Lampis J, Cataudella S, Agus M, Busonera A, Skowron EA.Differentiation of self and dyadic adjustment in couple relationships: A dyadic analysis using the actor-partner interdependence model.Fam Process. 2019;58(3):698-715. doi:10.1111/famp.12370Zamani sani SH, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al.Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2016;12:2617-2625. doi:10.2147/NDT.S116811Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: Work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N.The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting.Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098

Scott SB, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Allen ES, Markman HJ.Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.Couple Family Psychol. 2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025

Nemati M, Behmanesh F, Kheirkhah F, Geraili Z, Pasha H.Marital commitment and mental health in different patterns of mate selection: A comparison of modern, mixed, and traditional patterns.Iran J Psychiatry. 2022;17(4):418-427. doi:10.18502/ijps.v17i4.10691

Schriber RA, Chung JM, Sorensen KS, Robins RW.Dispositional contempt: A first look at the contemptuous person.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2017;113(2):280-309. doi:10.1037/pspp0000101

Lichtenfeld S, Maier MA, Buechner VL, Fernández capo M.The influence of decisional and emotional forgiveness on attributions.Front Psychol. 2019;10:1425. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01425

Bloch L, Haase CM, Levenson RW.Emotion regulation predicts marital satisfaction: more than a wives' tale.Emotion. 2014;14(1):130-44. doi:10.1037/a0034272

Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN.Does couples' communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301

Ryu S, Fan L.The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress among U.S. adults.J Fam Econ Issues. 2023;44(1):16-33. doi:10.1007/s10834-022-09820-9

Lampis J, Cataudella S, Agus M, Busonera A, Skowron EA.Differentiation of self and dyadic adjustment in couple relationships: A dyadic analysis using the actor-partner interdependence model.Fam Process. 2019;58(3):698-715. doi:10.1111/famp.12370

Zamani sani SH, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al.Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms.Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2016;12:2617-2625. doi:10.2147/NDT.S116811

Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: Work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255

Hewison D, Casey P, Mwamba N.The effectiveness of couple therapy: Clinical outcomes in a naturalistic United Kingdom setting.Psychotherapy (Chic). 2016;53(4):377-387. doi:10.1037/pst0000098

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