10 Topics to Spark New Conversations With Long-Term Partners

In the early days of a relationship, every conversation with our partner is incredibly exciting—we’re discovering more about them and sharing little bits of ourselves.

Fast forward to a few years later. We’re comfortably settled into the relationship, which is great, but it can sometimes feel like we’ve run out of things to talk about. The “What’s your favorite food?” phase feels like a distant memory. Instead, we’re having the same conversations over and over again, which, if we’re being honest, can get a littleboring.

“After some time, we assume we know our partners inside and out and stop making an effort,” saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

However, to keep the spark alive, “it’s important to channel excitement and newness within the relationship,” saysSabrina Romanoff,PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships.

Wondering how to keep the spark alive? Here are some strategies that can help you reignite the conversation with your partner and some topics to get you started.

At a Glance

How to Rekindle the Conversation Spark With a Long-Term Partner

These are some strategies that can help you rekindle the conversation with a long-term partner:

50 Deep Conversation Starters for Meaningful Connections

10 Topics to Start New Conversations

These are 10 topics you can use to sparknew conversationswith your partner.

Hopes and Dreams

Share your hopes, dreams, andaspirationswith your partner and ask them about theirs.

Dr. Romanoff recommends finding a connection between each of your dreams to the present day. “For example, if it was your partner’s dream to be a jazz musician, you could plan a date night at a jazz bar or get concert tickets to a jazz show. Alternatively, if you always wanted to be a doctor, you could explore the underlying value system driving you to the profession, i.e. helping people, and find a volunteering opportunity you both could do together.”

This will help you create new experiences, memories, and conversations with each other, while fulfilling your dreams together, in a way.

Fears

From there, you can have a deeper conversation with your partner about what keeps each of you up at night as adults. Common themes are money, job security, health, losing loved ones, and our own mortality, says Dr. Romanoff. “Our fears often reveal personality traits, childhood experiences, and parts of our identity.”

Tread lightly if they’re sensitive about something though, you don’t want to push them and make them feel uncomfortable.

Life Goals

When you talk to your partner about goals, Dr. Romanoff recommends discussing the underlying motivations behind them as well. “Don’t stop at just discussing the goal, rather seek to understand thewhy, to uncover what it represents to each of you and why it’s so important.”

Relationship Reflections

Reminisce with your partner about the early stages of your relationship. What were some of yourfirst impressionsof each other? What was your funniest date? What did you appreciate most about each other? What did you tell your friends after your first meeting? When did you know they werethe one?

These conversations can help you see your relationship from their perspective, bringing you closer together.

Memories

Talk to your partner about yourchildhood memoriesand the defining moments of your life. Ask them about theirs.

Talking about your memories helps you relive them in the present, says Dr. Romanoff. “Sharing fond childhood memories or interesting travel experiences helps you bring them to life, so you both can experience it together.”

Family Traditions

Tell your partner about your family’s traditions growing up and invite them to share theirs with you. More importantly, discuss how each one made you feel. Did you love it or hate it? Would you continue it?

You can also talk to your partner about creating new traditions together. They could be small additions to your dailyroutine, like writing each other a cute note every day. Or, they could be fun activities you do together, like a weekly date night or a couples massage. You could even make your own traditions for holidays and special occasions, such as breakfast in bed on birthdays.

Travel and Adventure

Talking abouttraveland adventure can be an exciting escape from the routine of daily life. You can discuss your dream destinations with your partner and make a bucket list together. Every now and then, you can revisit the bucket list to update it.

Whenever you are able to, plan trips with your partner. Try to incorporate both your interests into the itinerary. Whether it’s a short getaway or a longer vacation, it’ll probably give you and your partner lots of talk about—before, during, and after the trip.

Fantasies

Another fun topic of conversation is fantasies. You can ask your partner hypothetical questions such as:

Apart from asking your partner thesequestions, also remember to ask them why. These questions help us share our innermost fantasies, increasing intimacy and closeness with our partners, says de Llano.

Interests

Talk to your partner about your hobbies and interests. It could be art, music, books, technology, food, fitness, spirituality, or anything else you’re interested in.

Share your passion with your partner and include them in it—you can take them along with you if they’re up for it, or tell them all about it when you spend time together.

Similarly, encourage them to follow their passions and ask them to share their thoughts and experiences with you.

Gratitude

Remember to tell your partner everything you’re grateful for, when it comes to them and your relationship.

In long-term relationships, complacency can set in, and before you know it, you’re nagging each other about doing the dishes and keeping the bathroom clean. This can get frustrating for both of you. According to a 2021 study, spending more time arguing with one’s partner than talking to them is linked to lower relationship satisfaction.

Focusing ongratitudecan help you break the negative cycle of arguing. Everyone likes to feel appreciated and a little gratitude often goes a long way! Your partner will appreciate it and you’ll behappiertoo—research shows us that gratitude and life satisfaction go hand in hand.

10 Simple Phrases That Keep You in Love

Keep in Mind

Sparking new conversations with your long-term partner can breathe fresh life into your relationship. With a little effort and a dash of creativity, you can keep the conversation, connection, love, and affection flowing.

7 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Even Better

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time spent together in intimate relationships: implications for relationship functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021 Sep;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6Unanue W, Gomez Mella ME, Cortez DA, Bravo D, Araya-Véliz C, Unanue J, Van Den Broeck A.The reciprocal relationship between gratitude and life satisfaction: evidence from two longitudinal field studies.Front Psychol.2019 Nov 8;10:2480. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02480

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time spent together in intimate relationships: implications for relationship functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021 Sep;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6Unanue W, Gomez Mella ME, Cortez DA, Bravo D, Araya-Véliz C, Unanue J, Van Den Broeck A.The reciprocal relationship between gratitude and life satisfaction: evidence from two longitudinal field studies.Front Psychol.2019 Nov 8;10:2480. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02480

Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time spent together in intimate relationships: implications for relationship functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021 Sep;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6Unanue W, Gomez Mella ME, Cortez DA, Bravo D, Araya-Véliz C, Unanue J, Van Den Broeck A.The reciprocal relationship between gratitude and life satisfaction: evidence from two longitudinal field studies.Front Psychol.2019 Nov 8;10:2480. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02480

Unanue W, Gomez Mella ME, Cortez DA, Bravo D, Araya-Véliz C, Unanue J, Van Den Broeck A.The reciprocal relationship between gratitude and life satisfaction: evidence from two longitudinal field studies.Front Psychol.2019 Nov 8;10:2480. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02480

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?

At a Glance#

How to Rekindle the Conversation Spark With a Long-Term Partner#

10 Topics to Start New Conversations#

Hopes and Dreams#

Fears#

Life Goals#

Relationship Reflections#

Memories#

Family Traditions#

Travel and Adventure#

Fantasies#

Interests#

Gratitude#

Keep in Mind#